Spiritual Crisis For Christian Singles - Prayer For God To "Remember" Them
Captain Sensible writes: I have become increasingly aware of the massive spiritual crisis that is affecting single Christians, both men and women.
I have recently witnessed (or heard of from close quarters) all of the following:
Single women wasting prime decades of their life "trusting in God" but ignoring wise advice and becoming increasingly detached from reality.
Women in their early 40s, who after being faithfully celibate through most, if not all, of their prime child-bearing years (depending on when they came to know the Lord), now having unprotected sex with men in order to try to conceive "before it's too late".
Christian men treating Christian women appallingly, often far worse that the majority of men in the world, who are generally decent guys, ever would. The Christian men use the Christian women for varying degrees of emotional and physical intimacy without being willing to commit to any one woman exclusively, or move any of these "friendships" towards marriage. Meanwhile the women are all going along with this, because they are otherwise starved of Christian male attention, and they keep "hoping" and "trusting" that he will eventually move the "friendship" towards marriage. In practice, this rarely happens.
Christian men admitting to seeing not-yet Christian women with the sole purpose of having sex with them.
Christian men admitting being "addicted" to sex/pornography/lust, which may be preventing them from even wanting to find a wife, as they are not prepared to address their addiction, and feel that having a wife will only cause more problems with regard to intimate accountability.
Christian men saying they can't find a wife, despite the huge odds in their favour and being surrounded by beautiful Christian women in their church, to the extent that they appear to be actually blinded from their beauty. (Possibly an early sign of pornography addiction? They aren't finding normal women sexually attractive because they are becoming conditioned to more explicitly sexual-looking women?)
Christian men and women "hating" church, other Christians, and even God, because they feel that the buck stops with Him, and He has continued to allow them to suffer, without their feeling any comfort or sign that He is listening. Well-meaning platitudes from other Christians are only rubbing salt into their wounds, and they can't seem to find comfort or understanding anywhere except outside of church circles.
Christian men and women seemingly stuck on some singles merry-go-round, where each relationship ends in hurt either for themselves or for the other party involved.
Christian women wanting the end of their life to be hastened by God through some disease, as their suffering is becoming too much to bear, and they just want their life to "hurry up and end".
Christian women admitting that they are losing hope, suffering from depression, and even contemplating suicide, as they cannot see an end in sight.
They nearly all seem to have one main factor in common.
They are ceasing to pray about their situations.
Prayer that appears unanswered, in the midst of extreme emotional pain, and with little or no help from their church and other Christians, is leaving countless singles feeling extremely isolated.
A recipe for all manner of disaster.
What is to be done? How can Christian men and women be encouraged to find peace and hope in God, trust in Him, and at the same time, take purposeful action that will lead to marriage, when it just seems like there is no progress or end in sight? How can they get through the "pain barrier" that they are putting up between themselves and God, that is preventing them from praying, or even believing that God hears them?
Here's a thought: God "remembering" a person's trials, or causing another person to "remember" them and therefore bring about God's will, seems to be a common thread in the Bible (thinking of Rachel who previously said to Jacob "Give me children or I'll die"; Hannah who was weeping, not eating and suffered from a "bitterness of soul" because of her barrenness; Joseph languishing in jail until the cupbearer remembered him; and the criminal that was crucified along with Christ and asked Him to remember him in paradise...but there may even be more?).
I am going to be praying this weekend for God to "remember" the plight of single Christians. Please, please join me. I believe the enemy stronghold in the area of singleness is an incredibly strong one, as there are so many advantages in it for him. We need to be praying hard, especially on behalf of those that are finding it so hard to pray for themselves.
I have recently witnessed (or heard of from close quarters) all of the following:
Single women wasting prime decades of their life "trusting in God" but ignoring wise advice and becoming increasingly detached from reality.
Women in their early 40s, who after being faithfully celibate through most, if not all, of their prime child-bearing years (depending on when they came to know the Lord), now having unprotected sex with men in order to try to conceive "before it's too late".
Christian men treating Christian women appallingly, often far worse that the majority of men in the world, who are generally decent guys, ever would. The Christian men use the Christian women for varying degrees of emotional and physical intimacy without being willing to commit to any one woman exclusively, or move any of these "friendships" towards marriage. Meanwhile the women are all going along with this, because they are otherwise starved of Christian male attention, and they keep "hoping" and "trusting" that he will eventually move the "friendship" towards marriage. In practice, this rarely happens.
Christian men admitting to seeing not-yet Christian women with the sole purpose of having sex with them.
Christian men admitting being "addicted" to sex/pornography/lust, which may be preventing them from even wanting to find a wife, as they are not prepared to address their addiction, and feel that having a wife will only cause more problems with regard to intimate accountability.
Christian men saying they can't find a wife, despite the huge odds in their favour and being surrounded by beautiful Christian women in their church, to the extent that they appear to be actually blinded from their beauty. (Possibly an early sign of pornography addiction? They aren't finding normal women sexually attractive because they are becoming conditioned to more explicitly sexual-looking women?)
Christian men and women "hating" church, other Christians, and even God, because they feel that the buck stops with Him, and He has continued to allow them to suffer, without their feeling any comfort or sign that He is listening. Well-meaning platitudes from other Christians are only rubbing salt into their wounds, and they can't seem to find comfort or understanding anywhere except outside of church circles.
Christian men and women seemingly stuck on some singles merry-go-round, where each relationship ends in hurt either for themselves or for the other party involved.
Christian women wanting the end of their life to be hastened by God through some disease, as their suffering is becoming too much to bear, and they just want their life to "hurry up and end".
Christian women admitting that they are losing hope, suffering from depression, and even contemplating suicide, as they cannot see an end in sight.
They nearly all seem to have one main factor in common.
They are ceasing to pray about their situations.
Prayer that appears unanswered, in the midst of extreme emotional pain, and with little or no help from their church and other Christians, is leaving countless singles feeling extremely isolated.
A recipe for all manner of disaster.
What is to be done? How can Christian men and women be encouraged to find peace and hope in God, trust in Him, and at the same time, take purposeful action that will lead to marriage, when it just seems like there is no progress or end in sight? How can they get through the "pain barrier" that they are putting up between themselves and God, that is preventing them from praying, or even believing that God hears them?
Here's a thought: God "remembering" a person's trials, or causing another person to "remember" them and therefore bring about God's will, seems to be a common thread in the Bible (thinking of Rachel who previously said to Jacob "Give me children or I'll die"; Hannah who was weeping, not eating and suffered from a "bitterness of soul" because of her barrenness; Joseph languishing in jail until the cupbearer remembered him; and the criminal that was crucified along with Christ and asked Him to remember him in paradise...but there may even be more?).
I am going to be praying this weekend for God to "remember" the plight of single Christians. Please, please join me. I believe the enemy stronghold in the area of singleness is an incredibly strong one, as there are so many advantages in it for him. We need to be praying hard, especially on behalf of those that are finding it so hard to pray for themselves.
posted by Captain Sensible at 6:49 PM
5 Comments:
"Christian women admitting that they are losing hope, suffering from depression, and even contemplating suicide, as they cannot see an end in sight."
Well I never wanted to say this outwardly but I happen to fall in this category of single Christian women, but I never have come out and said it because I do not want to run the risk of being labelled crazy. To be honest, the very fact that I fall in this category or women is the real reason why I cannot have any tolerance for the GOS arguement. Whereas some singles may have mild depression over their single state but don't wish to end their misery "another way," other singles have depression that is so deep from their singleness that they feel that they cannot function. I question my ability to hold a job (not for lack of aptitude) sometimes, it's so terrible; because I know I'm not going home to a husband/family of my own. (I did have a pretty good interview this past Thursday though) Work is WORK, and family is supposed to be that relief from work when you get the hell out of the worksite. My work is not going to give me the satisfaction in life that I am looking for. It never will, no matter how much my dad talks about how I'll get promoted to such-and-such level, etc. I am going to be crying inside during and after every workday. I don't know how I am going to handle this depression. I'll have no choice but to go to work everyday and do the motions, and die inside at the loneliness I have.
Part of my depression is joblessness right now and I'm working on the joblessness aspect. But the war on the depression is anything but over after that.
Shaiza - I want to share this with you especially, although it is for everyone else too!
It's called the Father's love letter.
My child,
You may not know me, but I know everything about you. Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up. Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered. Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image. Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being. Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring. Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived. Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation. Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book. Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live. Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me. John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you. 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your Father. 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could. Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father. Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand. James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope. Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love. Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore. Psalms 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things. Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me. Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires. Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine. Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you. Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes. Revelation 21:3-4
And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth. Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus. John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being. Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you. Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled. 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love. Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me. 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again. Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen. Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father. Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, your Dad.
Almighty God
(Father's Love Letter used by permission Father Heart Communications Copyright 1999-2006 www.FathersLoveLetter.com)
Well done for spelling the current situation out so clearly and frankly!
All these 'friendships', yuk!
I decided after a frustrating incident a couple of years ago that I would no longer have close friendships with guys. I would be friends with them, but not intimately because that involves naively 'hoping that he will upgrade the friendship'. I have set clear boundaries by my words and behaviour, and found that a)I've attracted more guys, b)dealt with immaturity on their part swiftly and firmly and c)in the case of the guys who are on a path of personal growth, got better behaviour from them as a result, while the rest scarpered showing themselves to be cowards.
"Christian men admitting being "addicted" to sex/pornography/lust"
The "destroyer" is also using this to plant lies in the heads of Christian men:
"You're not good enough to be a real Christian. God hates you as much as you hate yourself. Your self-loathing is a pretty accurate reflection of yourself. You'll never be a proper Christian man, so you may as well forget about the whole thing. Don't even bother trying to fight this! It's useless. More to the point, YOU'RE useless!"
Credit where credit's due, this is something that John Piper did address in that troublesome recent sermon. He identified a true problem. But in my opinion, he gave the wrong solution. To me, it came across as: "You're sinning, so make it up to God by doing lots of good works. A normal, happy married life just isn't going to be enough to make it up to God for your disgusting sins. Oh, and by the way, there is a missions trip coming up and your name really needs to be on it."
I know he didn't mean it like that. I am just saying that is the way it came across to me, and if it came across like that to me, maybe it came across like that to others?
It seems to be common knowledge amongst Christian women that the men that treat them really badly are Christian men. Time for getting away from these spoilt brats and giving our love, help and encouragement to the excluded Body of Christ - the men in the world that the church is ignoring and who really would appreciate a good wife!
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