Conform to our culture, or The Bible? You decide.
Captain Sensible writes: Excellent review here from someone who thought they would hate Debbie Maken's book "Getting Serious about Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness" but in the end, didn't!
Here are a few extracts:
"I think many single guys ARE wasting their time AND much time of the single women that I happen to know. They want 'friendships' without strings. They want to be able to call and talk to girls at their convenience without being tied down. They want to reach a certain level of 'earthly success' which, let's face it, no one knows if they'll ever reach. They want to wait until age 30+ before settling down. By so doing, their female counter-parts have pretty much been made to sit around waiting for Mr. Selfish to finish up whatever it was he thought he needed to do for him...women's fertility levels DO decrease the further into their 30's that men make them wait. So by refusing to marry in their 20's (for whatever reason) they are denying women the blessing of being able to bear and raise children. If you are scratching your head over that one -- I'd say denying a woman the right to a family is a bad thing. Particularly as that is what the large majority of women want to be able to do in this lifetime."
"Women were made to be man's help meet. They were made to be life givers and nurturers. To refuse to step up and husband them in an appropriate manner takes away their ability to fulfill God's mission for them. God did not give Adam his Eve for a "best pal"! She wasn't sent for him to talk to just whenever her got the urge, or to go shoot some pool with him when he decided that he was tired of playing his video game. She wasn't around to just 'grab a beer' with every now and again. No. She was given to him in order that he might have a serious, committed relationship. One that was to be productive on every level and the only way that they could reach that level of productivity was to be married."
"Now where does this leave the single woman who really does not have complete control over whether or not she marries today or 20 years from now? In a rough spot. Especially when it is her great desire to love and be loved in return. By a man."
"So many times guys just want someone to 'have' to pal around with and take out every now and again. I've heard the excuse that it 'helps them feel like a gentleman.' HOGWASH."
"I think Maken presented a great argument to challenge present day relationships. She calls for a return to a time when people married early and walked through life together, pursuing the same goals. Not waiting until your individual goals have been met -- alone. But togetherness. Wholeness. This book is a challenge. It absolutely is. And at times it is most unpleasant. But I think its valid and deserves attention."
So, isn't it time we stopped conforming to our culture's notion of singleness? (And it is from our culture; it's not a "gift" from the Lord as it appears to have suddenly become in some imaginative and inventive Christian circles!) This might help to focus the mind (Romans 12:2):
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
It's also very nicely put in The Message (just don't even think about paying any attention to their horrible translation of 1 Corinthians 7:7!):
"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."
Here are a few extracts:
"I think many single guys ARE wasting their time AND much time of the single women that I happen to know. They want 'friendships' without strings. They want to be able to call and talk to girls at their convenience without being tied down. They want to reach a certain level of 'earthly success' which, let's face it, no one knows if they'll ever reach. They want to wait until age 30+ before settling down. By so doing, their female counter-parts have pretty much been made to sit around waiting for Mr. Selfish to finish up whatever it was he thought he needed to do for him...women's fertility levels DO decrease the further into their 30's that men make them wait. So by refusing to marry in their 20's (for whatever reason) they are denying women the blessing of being able to bear and raise children. If you are scratching your head over that one -- I'd say denying a woman the right to a family is a bad thing. Particularly as that is what the large majority of women want to be able to do in this lifetime."
"Women were made to be man's help meet. They were made to be life givers and nurturers. To refuse to step up and husband them in an appropriate manner takes away their ability to fulfill God's mission for them. God did not give Adam his Eve for a "best pal"! She wasn't sent for him to talk to just whenever her got the urge, or to go shoot some pool with him when he decided that he was tired of playing his video game. She wasn't around to just 'grab a beer' with every now and again. No. She was given to him in order that he might have a serious, committed relationship. One that was to be productive on every level and the only way that they could reach that level of productivity was to be married."
"Now where does this leave the single woman who really does not have complete control over whether or not she marries today or 20 years from now? In a rough spot. Especially when it is her great desire to love and be loved in return. By a man."
"So many times guys just want someone to 'have' to pal around with and take out every now and again. I've heard the excuse that it 'helps them feel like a gentleman.' HOGWASH."
"I think Maken presented a great argument to challenge present day relationships. She calls for a return to a time when people married early and walked through life together, pursuing the same goals. Not waiting until your individual goals have been met -- alone. But togetherness. Wholeness. This book is a challenge. It absolutely is. And at times it is most unpleasant. But I think its valid and deserves attention."
So, isn't it time we stopped conforming to our culture's notion of singleness? (And it is from our culture; it's not a "gift" from the Lord as it appears to have suddenly become in some imaginative and inventive Christian circles!) This might help to focus the mind (Romans 12:2):
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is -- his good, pleasing and perfect will." (NIV)
It's also very nicely put in The Message (just don't even think about paying any attention to their horrible translation of 1 Corinthians 7:7!):
"Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God. You'll be changed from the inside out. Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you."
posted by Captain Sensible at 7:25 AM
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