Sunday, December 10, 2006

Kissing the Gift of Marriage Goodbye!

Frieda Fruitcake writes: Good news and bad news, my dear Christian brothers and sisters.
First, the good news: I was delighted to learn this weekend that a large and very popular church in central London had to change the name of its "Singles Weekend Away" to a "Women's Weekend Away".
The reason: None of our brothers appeared interested in going.
Praise the Lord!
What would our good Christian sisters want with our brothers there anyway? Why there would always be the risk that some form of flirtatious romantic behaviour would develop and our most precious gift of singleness would be in jeopardy! And don't we all know that the road to hell is paved with marriage, sex and godly children?
It is indeed encouraging that some of our brothers appear to be shunning marriage in favour of an imitation of our culture, whereby marriage is delayed indefinitely and immature adolescence is extended into their 20s, 30s and even beyond.
Of course, in our culture they are still having sexual relationships and even living with women, and would regard many decades of post-sexually mature, self-induced celibacy as extremely odd to say the least.
But then in our culture they wouldn't understand that God has decreed this generation to be the first in Christendom to enjoy the generously widespread bestowing of the new gift of singleness! No wonder evangelising to men appears to be such a problem, when they can't even grasp this fundamental of the New Christianty!
Now sadly, the bad news.
I attended a Christmas party for Christians this weekend, and I was distressed to see that there were a large number of men in attendance (reports suggest almost equal numbers no less! That never normally happens at these sorts of things!). What's more, several of them even appeared keen to recklessly steal the gift of singleness from our sisters!
Some were so determined in their ungodly quest that they were spotted brandishing a sprig of mistletoe as a weapon of seduction!
Oh how I long for the day when Christian social events such as these become women-only affairs; when being Christian truly equates to celibacy and barrenness for all! How encouraged I was when I spoke to one brother -- a mere spring chicken at the youthful age of just 35 -- who said he wasn't hoping to meet his future wife and in fact seemed quite confused at the thought of using the party as a means of obtaining a girlfriend, preferring instead to spend the evening chatting to his male friend.
How shameful indeed that not all Christian brothers are following his example and embracing their eunuch status in this proud manner!
Yet, as evidenced by the large London church where the new teaching on the holy gift of singleness is admirably adhered to, we can't have long to wait until the day when marriage and procreation are the preserve of only the atheists, agnostics and followers of other religions.
Oh happy day!

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

LOL Captain you are too much!

1:13 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home