Debbie Maken: Why Are You Still The Only One Speaking Sense About Singleness?
"We (the church) are very comfortable with our platitudes of being 'pro-family', but ironically only for those actually in families."
How true this is! How we as the church love to say we are "pro-family"! But are we pro singles getting married? Of course not! That wouldn't be affirming to singles, would it? And we all know that's not allowed!
"Paul said that he could “take a wife,” I Cor. 9:5, implying that it was something he could do when he wanted to. The timing issue was a controllable factor, unlike today."
Yes, good point, Debbie! Funny how Paul didn't say he could "wait on the Lord" for a wife, or "trust in God" for a wife... No, the taking was down to his pro-active chioce! (Which oddly enough fits in with the rest of the Bible, where God frequently tells us to get married and have kids, and then just expects us to get on with it!)
"Women are so vulnerable, and they are “made for the man.” (Gen., I Cor. 11). They know this instinctively, and I think their craving for marriage is not some sort of inferior relationship with God, but the essence of who they are made to be—a wife and mom."
B...b...b...but Debbie - are you actually saying here that women shouldn't be scolded about being discontent with singleness? That it's okay not to want to embrace lifelong, barren spinsterhood? How absolutely shocking! Quick! Somebody tell The Queen! She's the head of the Church of England. She must be told about this heretic and make sure Debbie Maken never returns to our shores!
"Lastly, the women need to encourage their pastors to read this book (Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness) so that its words and ideas can seep in, and these pastors can convey the right sentiments about singleness from the pulpit and not hurt yet another generation of Christian young adults."
Maybe when the next generation includes their own daughters, and they have to watch as her child-bearing years pass, and realise they won't have grandchildren, it will finally sink in? Oh, but so many seem to think it will never happen to their daughter! They seem perfectly content to put God to the test and presume He will work a miracle for their precious one. (And the rate things are going with regard to the growth in singleness and lack of men, I really don't think it's that much of an exaggeration to call it a miracle! Remember, in the UK church, we are looking at a statistical projection of ZERO men in the church in just 23 years' time. So for any church leader that has a female toddler now, this is a very serious and very personal matter. They need to do something quickly, or start preparing their little girl from now for the likelihood that marriage and children are probably not going to happen for her...)
How true this is! How we as the church love to say we are "pro-family"! But are we pro singles getting married? Of course not! That wouldn't be affirming to singles, would it? And we all know that's not allowed!
"Paul said that he could “take a wife,” I Cor. 9:5, implying that it was something he could do when he wanted to. The timing issue was a controllable factor, unlike today."
Yes, good point, Debbie! Funny how Paul didn't say he could "wait on the Lord" for a wife, or "trust in God" for a wife... No, the taking was down to his pro-active chioce! (Which oddly enough fits in with the rest of the Bible, where God frequently tells us to get married and have kids, and then just expects us to get on with it!)
"Women are so vulnerable, and they are “made for the man.” (Gen., I Cor. 11). They know this instinctively, and I think their craving for marriage is not some sort of inferior relationship with God, but the essence of who they are made to be—a wife and mom."
B...b...b...but Debbie - are you actually saying here that women shouldn't be scolded about being discontent with singleness? That it's okay not to want to embrace lifelong, barren spinsterhood? How absolutely shocking! Quick! Somebody tell The Queen! She's the head of the Church of England. She must be told about this heretic and make sure Debbie Maken never returns to our shores!
"Lastly, the women need to encourage their pastors to read this book (Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness) so that its words and ideas can seep in, and these pastors can convey the right sentiments about singleness from the pulpit and not hurt yet another generation of Christian young adults."
Maybe when the next generation includes their own daughters, and they have to watch as her child-bearing years pass, and realise they won't have grandchildren, it will finally sink in? Oh, but so many seem to think it will never happen to their daughter! They seem perfectly content to put God to the test and presume He will work a miracle for their precious one. (And the rate things are going with regard to the growth in singleness and lack of men, I really don't think it's that much of an exaggeration to call it a miracle! Remember, in the UK church, we are looking at a statistical projection of ZERO men in the church in just 23 years' time. So for any church leader that has a female toddler now, this is a very serious and very personal matter. They need to do something quickly, or start preparing their little girl from now for the likelihood that marriage and children are probably not going to happen for her...)
posted by Captain Sensible at 12:20 PM
2 Comments:
just to let you know that it seems as if you and debbie are the only ones so far whose views i echo with basically completely.
i am merely apprehensive of how depressed i would get if i were to read debbie maken's book. i forsee myself picking it up but not just yet. i read stuff she wrote in a couple blogs below and it was extremely painful so i don't want to think any more about it than i already do.
i might not respond to each and every blog post here, and it seems as if not too many people respond to your blogs but don't let that stop you from posting. i do read them whenever i can.
all i can say is that anyone is blessed to marry and have children, they better think of ways right NOW to prevent the abject loneliness and emptiness that we christian singles currently face. even before they are born, it is never too soon to think about these things. we do not want our own children to end up like us, if we are able to have our own children.
something seems very wrong with our culture. i have a feeling though that it was not always this way in america, that the singleness problem is much more pronounced than it might have been decades or centuries ago. i do not know if the christian communities in say, latin america or the middle east or asia suffer from this type of situation where people can't seem to find compatible christian singles. it would be interesting for me to find out.
Raggedy Ann,
I can tell you that it's the same in Israel. To begin with, only 0.1% of the Israeli population believes in Jesus, so we're starting out with a very small pool of single believers. I think your chances in Britain are probably better than mine, in Israel.
In light of these discouraging odds, I'm doing what I can to try and beat them. Though I don't think much will come of it, I've joined a Christian dating site. People around me know how much I want to get married, and the ones closest to me are on the lookout for godly young men.
Being a single Christian woman in times like these, and under circumstances like these (when our Christian leadership is completely apathetic to our plight) can be excrutiating. I understand your depression. I've been there.
One thing that has really encouraged me was finding this blog. I'm encouraged that there are people who are trying to take a stand against this deadly apathy. Maybe picking up Debbie's book will encourage and empower you, instead of depressing you, just as this site has encouraged me?
God bless,
Jen
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