Benefits to the devil (the "destroyer") of Christian singleness
New additions to this post have been made!
(This is of course distinct from a purposeful decision to renounce marriage for dedicated celibate service that would be incompatible with a spouse and family, or those that are physically or mentally unable to marry. By the way, sorry, but I do not believe this includes single women who, because of the male/female ratio in church, have not been able to marry!)
Barren singleness is in direct contrast to the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply – what could be more demonic?
God uses the analogy of marriage and family relations to describe His relationship with us. Again, what could be more demonic than the direct opposite of this?
Frequently throughout the Bible the example of “bride and bridegroom” is used to illustrate well-being, joy and blessings. Contrast that with the curse of “maidens having no wedding song” and barrenness.
More married people serve in church than singles (29% of married people served in the church in past seven days, as compared to 14% of never married people – Barna 2003, as shown in Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).
Most singles, far from having an undivided devotion to the Lord, do not spend their free time in ways that are distinguishable from singles in the world (Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).
Sexual sin, including pornography addiction.
Single Christian women and men being unfruitful, and bad stewards not only of their bodies, but their lives. Single women become depressed; single men become increasingly selfish and obsessive over their hobbies.
Instead of looking outwards and finding a believer in the world to marry, and getting on with being salt and light, single Christian women are made to feel sinful and expend vast amounts of time and energy in the useless battle to “be content” with singleness, fearful that they are “making an idol” out of marriage, and agonising whether they have been given the “gift of singleness”.
God is woefully misrepresented whenever anyone tells a single woman that singleness -- however long it lasts and even if it means barrenness -- is "God's will" for them. This can have the effect of making single women angry at God, instead of the false teaching that is at the heart of it, and so some women may struggle with disbelief in a God whose "will" seems so contrary to His design. They may even wonder if they are a "real" Christian, because they are not joyously content all the time (so misrepresented has the Christian faith become), and so they conclude they are not "spiritual" enough, are far too "worldly" and may even doubt their salvation, causing them to turn away from God.
It is obvious to the world that it is harder for a single Christian woman over the age of 30 to get a date from a Christian man (never mind get married!), than it would be for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle! (This is despite the fact that Christian women who come into contact with men generally are frequently asked out, but they always refuse if he is not a church-attending Christian!) Women in the world understand their need for a spouse, and so becoming a Christian can be perceived as having to renounce marriage and embrace childless singleness. Marriage and family now apparently belong to the world of darkness? (For more info on this, see the comments!)
One of the reasons single Christian men can't/won't outreach to men may be because to men in the world, these ageing, celibate, virgins are not seen as "salt and light" with a lifestyle to emulate, but rather as probably homosexual but being "hypocritical" Christians, most likely in denial about it.
Continual "mini-marriages" which end in "mini divorces" take their toll over the years, damaging hearts and distracting single Christians from leading a settled, mature and responsible life. This is especially so when the business of "finding a mate" goes far beyond the limited season it is designed for, and extends for many years - decades even - into adulthood instead.
By making women feel like it is sinful to desire a Godly husband, church leaders are not being challenged by anyone on their shameful fear of outreaching to men. The church is gradually having the masculinity removed from it, by the destroyer, and nobody is batting an eyelid. Although of course the Body of Christ as a whole is weakened by this, the people most directly affected from within the Body (aside, I mean, from the men in the world that are being criminally neglected!) are the single Christian women, and they are effectively being shut-up by false theology!
The church of the future may be distracted by looking after the aging singles that have little or no family to care for them, taking time, energy and money away from the fulfilment of the Great Commission
A lack of Godly children populating the earth, particularly in the richer nations.
Women tempted into marrying unbelievers (note I say “unbelievers” which I take to mean atheists or men of other faiths. This does not mean “non church-goers"!).
A gradual dishonouring of marriage has crept into the church, delighting the destroyer. Because single women are feeling increasingly distressed in their plight, they are being tempted to dishonour marriage, just to make them themselves feel better. "It's better to be single than to wish you were!" is just one of several common platitudes that are innocently bleated out. But how innocent is it really, and what excuse do married people have for saying it? Marriage is honourable and should be held in high esteem by everyone, single and married alike. The destroyer is delighted every time someone dishonours marriage, chipping away at God's good plan.
(Please note, this was a quick list that I felt was necessary to post. It may be revised and refined in the future! Particularly if the Lord reveals any other benefits to the devil that may have been omitted at this stage!)
(This is of course distinct from a purposeful decision to renounce marriage for dedicated celibate service that would be incompatible with a spouse and family, or those that are physically or mentally unable to marry. By the way, sorry, but I do not believe this includes single women who, because of the male/female ratio in church, have not been able to marry!)
Barren singleness is in direct contrast to the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply – what could be more demonic?
God uses the analogy of marriage and family relations to describe His relationship with us. Again, what could be more demonic than the direct opposite of this?
Frequently throughout the Bible the example of “bride and bridegroom” is used to illustrate well-being, joy and blessings. Contrast that with the curse of “maidens having no wedding song” and barrenness.
More married people serve in church than singles (29% of married people served in the church in past seven days, as compared to 14% of never married people – Barna 2003, as shown in Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).
Most singles, far from having an undivided devotion to the Lord, do not spend their free time in ways that are distinguishable from singles in the world (Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).
Sexual sin, including pornography addiction.
Single Christian women and men being unfruitful, and bad stewards not only of their bodies, but their lives. Single women become depressed; single men become increasingly selfish and obsessive over their hobbies.
Instead of looking outwards and finding a believer in the world to marry, and getting on with being salt and light, single Christian women are made to feel sinful and expend vast amounts of time and energy in the useless battle to “be content” with singleness, fearful that they are “making an idol” out of marriage, and agonising whether they have been given the “gift of singleness”.
God is woefully misrepresented whenever anyone tells a single woman that singleness -- however long it lasts and even if it means barrenness -- is "God's will" for them. This can have the effect of making single women angry at God, instead of the false teaching that is at the heart of it, and so some women may struggle with disbelief in a God whose "will" seems so contrary to His design. They may even wonder if they are a "real" Christian, because they are not joyously content all the time (so misrepresented has the Christian faith become), and so they conclude they are not "spiritual" enough, are far too "worldly" and may even doubt their salvation, causing them to turn away from God.
It is obvious to the world that it is harder for a single Christian woman over the age of 30 to get a date from a Christian man (never mind get married!), than it would be for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle! (This is despite the fact that Christian women who come into contact with men generally are frequently asked out, but they always refuse if he is not a church-attending Christian!) Women in the world understand their need for a spouse, and so becoming a Christian can be perceived as having to renounce marriage and embrace childless singleness. Marriage and family now apparently belong to the world of darkness? (For more info on this, see the comments!)
One of the reasons single Christian men can't/won't outreach to men may be because to men in the world, these ageing, celibate, virgins are not seen as "salt and light" with a lifestyle to emulate, but rather as probably homosexual but being "hypocritical" Christians, most likely in denial about it.
Continual "mini-marriages" which end in "mini divorces" take their toll over the years, damaging hearts and distracting single Christians from leading a settled, mature and responsible life. This is especially so when the business of "finding a mate" goes far beyond the limited season it is designed for, and extends for many years - decades even - into adulthood instead.
By making women feel like it is sinful to desire a Godly husband, church leaders are not being challenged by anyone on their shameful fear of outreaching to men. The church is gradually having the masculinity removed from it, by the destroyer, and nobody is batting an eyelid. Although of course the Body of Christ as a whole is weakened by this, the people most directly affected from within the Body (aside, I mean, from the men in the world that are being criminally neglected!) are the single Christian women, and they are effectively being shut-up by false theology!
The church of the future may be distracted by looking after the aging singles that have little or no family to care for them, taking time, energy and money away from the fulfilment of the Great Commission
A lack of Godly children populating the earth, particularly in the richer nations.
Women tempted into marrying unbelievers (note I say “unbelievers” which I take to mean atheists or men of other faiths. This does not mean “non church-goers"!).
A gradual dishonouring of marriage has crept into the church, delighting the destroyer. Because single women are feeling increasingly distressed in their plight, they are being tempted to dishonour marriage, just to make them themselves feel better. "It's better to be single than to wish you were!" is just one of several common platitudes that are innocently bleated out. But how innocent is it really, and what excuse do married people have for saying it? Marriage is honourable and should be held in high esteem by everyone, single and married alike. The destroyer is delighted every time someone dishonours marriage, chipping away at God's good plan.
(Please note, this was a quick list that I felt was necessary to post. It may be revised and refined in the future! Particularly if the Lord reveals any other benefits to the devil that may have been omitted at this stage!)
posted by Captain Sensible at 5:20 AM
10 Comments:
It is important to examine more closely why more marrieds serve in the church than singles. It shouldn't, in my opinion, automatically be chalked up to perceived selfishness on the part of singles.
The notion that singles have more freetime, and therefore more time to serve than marrieds, is a fallacy, as Debbie Maken pointed out in her book. Most singles work full-time and in addition, unlike married couples who can theoretically share these burdens, they are often solely responsible for all their errand-running, caring for their homes, and financial management. To not have help with these things is time-consuming and exhausting. Singles shouldn't excuse themselves from serving for these reasons, but I think it is important to keep these things in mind.
In addition, for all their extolling singleness, many churches not-so-subtly do esteem married couples more than singles. Singles are often made to feel like second-class citizens in their churches, what with the focus on activities for married couples and children, so it shouldn't be surprising that singles are more reluctant to serve as a result. And many churches seek married couples to serve rather than singles. For example, married couples in pairs often serve as greeters because they are asked by their churches to do so.
Thanks Anonymous, you make some good points. I do believe marrieds have more time than singles, who have to do everything for themselves, and without any physical, or even emotional, help.
Hello, If I may I can add one benefit to the enemy in all this singleness.. and lack of marriage formation.
Over the years I have done my best to live for Christ, and to serve him wherever I am, whatever I am doing (certainly not perfectly as I still sin!). In doing this, a number of unbelievers have crossed paths with me, and as I have gotten to know them I have shared my life and the gospel with them. One thing in my life seems to send most unbelievers running for the hills.. any guesses what that maybe?
It looks to the world that it is harder for single christian woman over the age of 30 to marry (or I may exchange the word 'marry' for the word 'date' in that sentence.. If I am feeling particularly pessimistic!)- than for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle!
Even non-believing women ( I refer to women as that is most of the unbelievers I have gotten to know well.) can see and understand their desire for a spouse, and to commit their lives to christ can be perceived as choosing between marriage (as an unbeliever)or singleness (as a believer).. and they choose marriage.. The devil has a field day deceiving them into believing this lie- how? because I haven't been asked out by a christian man for years.. christian men don't appear to value marriage or woman.. my experience is that we are treated like fellow workers for christ.. and that's it.. we are not treated as women! They believe this lie, because it can be somewhat true..
Who from the outside looking in would like to join this confused bunch of people who all exhort each other to stay single or to shut up about not being married!
A good friend of mine at church has been trying to reach her family for years for the gospel- her non-christian (and married) sister took me to one side and asked what is with these christian men? why have none of them asked my sister out? she is gorgeous both inside and out? What is wrong with them? She sees them as backward.. and I had answer for her!She was angry for her sisters sake at the way christian men treated her.. neglectfully..
This lack of the pursuit of marriage funnily enough detracts unbelievers from joining churches, getting involved and becoming part of God's family. Yes I believe all the depressed sad older single christian women, and not so masculine christian men who don't know how to treat women do reflect badly on the gospel. Praise God - he is not reliant on us to bring someone into his kingdom is all I can say...
One last comment.. I can't tell you how many testimonies I hear of people becoming christians once they had children, or at play group or coming back to christ because their wives/husbands and children kept them on track- and at the same time we are hearing this, our church tries to convince us it is easier to reach people for the gospel if we are single?
I am tired of single christians being held up as examples. Like they are examples to be followed when God hasn't gifted us for singleness.. there are some amazing married people who do wonderful things for the gospel - why don't we hear about them? eg. Billy Graham was married.. how did he manage to evangelise so many AND be married? why.. it is unbelievable! and Jonathon Edwards.. any others people can think of? Marriage gets such a bad rap.. I like this site as it debunks all of satan's lies about marriage and singleness.. keep posting Captain! sorry for monopolising I will go now!
Doz - WELL DONE! You have totally identified another benefit to the enemy.
Incidentally, your experience is with women. I actually don't think single men do much outreaching to their peers, and of course, here's why: To their peers in the world, they appear to be living this unnatural, supposedly celibate, virginal life. They find this so unbelievably unattractive, that they probably assume the single Christian men above a certain age are homosexual, but being typical "hypocritical" Christians, are just in denial about it!
I will add these new benefits to the posting.
Thank you.
Incidentally Doz, you mentioned your personal situation. I hope you are giving careful consideration to dating men from outside "church circles", who are believers in need of encouragement, but who of course the men in church -- from the leadership down -- are too scared to outreach to themselves?
I have wanted to get married since I was in my mid-20s. (Before that, in all honesty, I think I would have felt I was too young.) Looking back now, over a decade later, I can see that at various times when I have felt there was something missing in my life, it was actually loneliness. But because I have always had friends, I didn't "diagnose" the source of my dissatisfaction correctly. So I would change my job. Or start a new interest etc. And that would work temporarily. I now know that wasn't solving the problem at all, but just distracting me from it for a while. It's only with the wisdom that has come about through examining the single life, that I realise I was actually lonely for a husband. Still am, despite having an interesting job, good friends, enjoyable passtimes...
But at least identifying the problem correctly brings me one step closer to fixing it! Or at least not being sidetracked into going down the route of further distractions!
So, the conclusion I am coming to is that it is actually sinful to "be content" with singleness.
Yep, and those that encourage singles to "be content" are leading them into sin.
We should be encouraging discontent with singleness (whilst remaining content in the Lord, having full confidence that He is with us in the battle against barren, protracted singleness and all of its benefits to the destroyer.)
Hmmm - slightly counter-church culture possibly? ;-)
I wish more Christian men would outreach to their peers!
Not just because it's what they should be doing anyway, and not just because the church needs more men, but THEY MIGHT BE A GOOD INFLUENCE ON THE CHRISTIAN MEN!!!
hello there.
George your Orthodox brother in the Lord here wanted to let you know:
A friend of mine managed to get a copy of a strange letter just before it was dropped of at the post from an eerie house at the end of my street!
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Dear Bezzley
yes I read it too. We must act at once my dear demon. If those bloody christians start preaching that one should get married and not wait (and wait and wait and wait! hehe) then ulp! before we know it there will be a whole generation of new christian whelps growing up and gulp! running our socities! Nip it in the bud, my dear demon. Tell them they will serve you-know-who more if they remain single, quote, misquote and dril drill drill the doctrine of the gift of singleness into their heads. But we do have our helpers! Purposefull Singleness and such. Oh how it warms my infernal heart to have our wonderful lies (lies! lovely lies!) spread throughout their lands.
yes Im in Canada right now working on the youth here. I know you are in England. Remember my dear demon there is no england anymore --and we want to keep it that way!
Tomorrow we send Snarg and Puke to America and Asmodeus to the rest of Europe.
Oh and dont touch the muslim contries. let THEM multiply. yes yes. YES!
hugs and kisses,
Yours in infernal hellfire,
Satan
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