Debbie Maken: The tide is turning!
Captain Sensible writes: Since the publication of Debbie Maken's "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness", the contemporary church's attitude towards singleness and marriage has indeed been rethought.
Errors that have quietly slipped in over the past 30 years have been revealed for what they are, and single men and women are rebelling against the false teaching about there being a "gift of singleness" and that singles should just "wait on the Lord" and are instead...getting serious about getting married.
Just two examples can be found here on Debbie's blog, but this is just the tip of the iceberg. Darkness disappears as soon as light is shed on it, so I have faith that this false teaching will soon be eradicated completely.
Then single Christian men and women will be the joyful brides and bridegrooms that are synonymous with happiness, fruitfulness and blessing throughout the Bible.
posted by Captain Sensible at 12:00 AM
9 Comments:
I wish I could share your enthusiasm CS. All I see right now is alot of people condemning me for believing the gift of singleness is false teaching, and that we actually have a duty to pursue marriage if we are not gifted with the gift of celibacy. I don't see anything changing, only my situation getting more hopeless, people tell me they agree and then change their mind the moment someone challenges them, or if we are in the presence of someone who disagrees suddenly they believe something else. I feel like a child who is patted on the head and told- yes dear, but you are free to choose! I haven't ever been given a choice nor do I feel this is freedom. This is a curse.. To top it all off, being unhappy only makes you less attractive to men- so you condemn yourself for not helping matters. Lend me some of your hope..
Dear anon:
What you are witnessing is not uncommon. This idea takes a while to penetrate and absorb. A PCA elder in a North Carolina church was once challenged by a friend of mine, and initially he thought that my friends criticisms of GoS could not possibly be right. But he said that as she continued to challenge him over and over again, he realized over the course of months that she was right and he had indeed gotten it wrong. This man shared this story with me to inform me that he is now one of the biggest anti-GoS advocates within his church body, and he encounters the same resisitance which he too believes with time and listening to sound wisdom will eventually prevail to change the hearts and minds of those in leadership. So, do not lose hope, revolutions never happened in a day. You will see a lot shifting and uncomfortable fidgetiness from those you try to convert, but at some point it will take hold. My advice to you is to bone up on all of the counterarguments by looking to my book and/or Candice's book and being prepared for giving an answer in season and out of season.
Debbie Maken
I spoke with a pastor of a non-denominational Evangelical church as well as two from the PCA (I'm no longer involved with the latter) regarding the Gift of Singleness and wasn't able to convince any of them that their beliefs about singleness and what they teach about it are erroneous. (I did reference Debbie Maken's book.) The Evangelical told me that God would perhaps fulfill my desire for marriage in a different way if I remained single. One of the PCA pastors asked me whether I would be content if God didn't give me a husband, and the other seemed completely clueless about protracted singleness and how Christian women are suffering from it.
I haven't had any luck with laypeople in the church, either.
It seems even more difficult to talk sense into those from the Reformed tradition because they cite the sovereignty of God. One member of the PCA I spoke to was concerned about the issue as it related to her two still-single, twentysomething daughters, but she, too, said she was clinging to God's sovereignty.
As Debbie Maken says, we all have to keep trying.
Anonymous, I wonder if you would mind revealing your age? It would be great if you could!
CS, I don't know which "Anonymous" you were referring to, but I am the one who posted a comment at 3:21 p.m. I am 31 years old.
Thanks. The only reason I ask about age is because I know how draining the battle against this widespread false teaching can be.
If a woman is at an age where marriage is becoming a matter of some urgency (if she is to be anyone's "wife of [their] youth"), then I am not sure it is helpful to try and do battle with the GoS at that crucial time.
Maybe it's better to concentrate on getting married herself, and then when she is settled as a wife and "a happy mother of children", she should not forget the plight of her single sisters.
Get married -- and then don't forget!
BREAKING NEWS -----
THE GIFT OF SINGLENESS IS DEAD!
After months of campaigning to have it removed from the remaining modern Bibles where it still occupies a place in 1 Cor 7:7, IT HAS FINALLY BEEN REMOVED FROM THE NEW LIVING TRANSLATION.
Check the online version for yourselves: http://www.newlivingtranslation.com/05discoverthenlt/ssresults.asp?txtSearchString=1+corinthians+7&search.x=21&search.y=4
Dr. Eugene Peterson at The Messsage has also agreed to do the same.
This is a tremendous victory, folks. Now the next task is to get the NLT to have the word "better" ("to remain as you are") changed to "good" in 1 Cor 7:8 (as it is written in most Bibles). Also, there are still some problems with The Message's version of Matthew 19:10-12. But for now, let's savour this moment and express thanks!
"I will sing to the Lord, for he has triumphed gloriously; the horse and his rider he has thrown into the sea"
Captain Sensible, your suggestion to me and other young(ish), unmarried women who have been battling unsound church teaching is thought-provoking.
Speaking for myself, however, may I gently suggest that the pursuit of marriage and calling pastors (and sometimes others) out on their bad theology can be done simultaneously: I'm currently dating in a marriage-minded way, as well. And as far as the conversations I spoke of, there have only been, say, 7 or 8 during the past several months. If I were to discuss the issue with someone every day, or even every week, I would indeed become emotionally exhausted. :-) So, my advice to other women in my position, as it concerns speaking against the fallacy that is the Gift of Singleness, is: everything in moderation, and pick your battles wisely.
Excellent, Anon, that sounds great!
And to Anon #1: You said: "Lend me some of your hope".
Hmmm -- well, the gift of singleness is dead. The offending phrase has been removed from the NLT. Will that do?
;-)
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