The Sorry Tale of the Right Reverend Longbottom, Debbie Maken and a Den of Iniquity!
Frieda Fruitcake writes: Brace yourselves, dear readers.
It is with deep sadness that I have to bring you news of the recent demise of my Church of England Vicar, the Right Reverend Archibald Longbottom.
Readers may remember that we left Reverend Longbottom lying in a hospital bed diagnosed with "nervous exhaustion" just prior to Christmas. Apparently, the strain of church leadership proved too much for his delicate constitution and I regret to inform you that he has now "fallen asleep". Now a new Vicar needs to be sought for our noble English village parish of Pratt's End.
Moving from bad to worse, it also pains me to report that we are expecting the imminent arrival on these shores of a certain Debbie Maken. (I sincerely hope I am wrong, but I am sure I detected a note of glee in the Captain's recent post on this most distressing of developments!)
In the interests of research I investigated the website of London Christians , the culprits of this wrongdoing. You can imagine my horror when I saw that this talk on the precious gift of singleness is promoted with the following:
Is singleness really a "gift"? We've been told it is, but is it true? What does the Bible actually say about singleness, and is it right to call it a spiritual "gift"? Are we in danger of following our culture rather than the Bible with regard to singleness, whilst at the same time, super-spiritualising it all in terms of "waiting on the Lord"? After all, if we are single it has to be "God's will" that we are, right? Or, maybe not.
Well. I wouldn't expect Mrs Maken to extol the virtues of this most holy of gifts, but really, this is too much!
And as if things simply couldn't get any worse, this "special event" as they sinfully describe it, is also flagged up as being an opportunity for some "pre-Valentine's Day flirting"! No nicely asexual, brotherly/sisterly fellowshipping opportunities there then!
Of course, instead of an appropriate venue, such as a Nunnery, this talk is actually taking place in nothing short of a den of iniquity, described as an "opulent" photography gallery, with red chandeliers, candles, billowing drapes, and even beds (yes, beds!) on which to "lounge"! All shamelessly taking place in the hours of daylight no less!
How the good Reverend Longbottom's drawn, ashen face would have paled even further at the thought!
I simply cannot wait until we have a new Vicar appointed!
Never fear, readers, never fear, I will not cease in my petitioning of him, the Home Office, our Prime Minister and indeed even Her Majesty herself, to ensure that Debbie Maken is turned back from these shores immediately upon arrival at Immigration!
It is with deep sadness that I have to bring you news of the recent demise of my Church of England Vicar, the Right Reverend Archibald Longbottom.
Readers may remember that we left Reverend Longbottom lying in a hospital bed diagnosed with "nervous exhaustion" just prior to Christmas. Apparently, the strain of church leadership proved too much for his delicate constitution and I regret to inform you that he has now "fallen asleep". Now a new Vicar needs to be sought for our noble English village parish of Pratt's End.
Moving from bad to worse, it also pains me to report that we are expecting the imminent arrival on these shores of a certain Debbie Maken. (I sincerely hope I am wrong, but I am sure I detected a note of glee in the Captain's recent post on this most distressing of developments!)
In the interests of research I investigated the website of London Christians , the culprits of this wrongdoing. You can imagine my horror when I saw that this talk on the precious gift of singleness is promoted with the following:
Is singleness really a "gift"? We've been told it is, but is it true? What does the Bible actually say about singleness, and is it right to call it a spiritual "gift"? Are we in danger of following our culture rather than the Bible with regard to singleness, whilst at the same time, super-spiritualising it all in terms of "waiting on the Lord"? After all, if we are single it has to be "God's will" that we are, right? Or, maybe not.
Well. I wouldn't expect Mrs Maken to extol the virtues of this most holy of gifts, but really, this is too much!
And as if things simply couldn't get any worse, this "special event" as they sinfully describe it, is also flagged up as being an opportunity for some "pre-Valentine's Day flirting"! No nicely asexual, brotherly/sisterly fellowshipping opportunities there then!
Of course, instead of an appropriate venue, such as a Nunnery, this talk is actually taking place in nothing short of a den of iniquity, described as an "opulent" photography gallery, with red chandeliers, candles, billowing drapes, and even beds (yes, beds!) on which to "lounge"! All shamelessly taking place in the hours of daylight no less!
How the good Reverend Longbottom's drawn, ashen face would have paled even further at the thought!
I simply cannot wait until we have a new Vicar appointed!
Never fear, readers, never fear, I will not cease in my petitioning of him, the Home Office, our Prime Minister and indeed even Her Majesty herself, to ensure that Debbie Maken is turned back from these shores immediately upon arrival at Immigration!
posted by Captain Sensible at 12:24 PM
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