Protracted singleness and church decline: Yes, there is a connection!
Captain Sensible writes: Great article by Steve Watters on Boundless (read it now before they start posting comments that help to spread wrong teaching and destroy the impact of the post!) and also on the blog of Albert Mohler (who doesn't actually allow comments on his blog, possibly for this very reason!).
As Steve Watters writes: "I think one of the most counterintuitive 'theological innovations' churches have made along these lines over the past couple of decades has been to shift their energies from helping young adults marry well to just helping them find fulfillment in their singleness. While this shift may have helped some single women feel a little less anxious about not experiencing marriage yet, it has had the adverse effect of allowing men to persist in pseudo-relationships and not take initiative towards marriage."
But since when has offering false teaching in order to make "some single women feel a little less anxious about not experiencing marriage yet" been a good idea anyway? The "gift of singleness" and all its associated false doctrines that are based around helping singles "find fulfillment in their singleness", are nothing more than placebo drugs.
But as the report shows, unlike other placebo drugs, they are by no means harmless; not for single women, not for single men, and not for the Body as a whole.
As Steve Watters writes: "I think one of the most counterintuitive 'theological innovations' churches have made along these lines over the past couple of decades has been to shift their energies from helping young adults marry well to just helping them find fulfillment in their singleness. While this shift may have helped some single women feel a little less anxious about not experiencing marriage yet, it has had the adverse effect of allowing men to persist in pseudo-relationships and not take initiative towards marriage."
But since when has offering false teaching in order to make "some single women feel a little less anxious about not experiencing marriage yet" been a good idea anyway? The "gift of singleness" and all its associated false doctrines that are based around helping singles "find fulfillment in their singleness", are nothing more than placebo drugs.
But as the report shows, unlike other placebo drugs, they are by no means harmless; not for single women, not for single men, and not for the Body as a whole.
posted by Captain Sensible at 3:11 AM
8 Comments:
Too late.
The idiotic comments on Boundless have already begun to whittle away the truths in the opening post.
Is there a hope that Steve Watters will step in?
Not a chance...
I decided to bookmark the Blog because I need the blog of someone who supports Debbie Maken's book. I also bookmarked that article by Lee Wilson ("Stop Sugar-Coating Singleness"), but I wish he had more than just his Christian singles website, like a blog or book pertaining to this topic. So far, I haven't seen anyone else in the Christian world with such strong sentiments regarding the importance of getting married. Maybe I'm missing someone, maybe not.
I thought of another terrible consequence (well at least for me that is) of having marriage delayed. The older you get with protracted singleness, and if you do get a chance to meet someone you deem special, chances are that you won't be that person's first love, and for me that is so heartbreaking that I don't know how to describe it. I will be constantly comparing myself to the man's former girlfriends and will wonder probably for a very long time if I will ever be as special as that man's (i.e. any man's) first love. If only I would have been able to find a man when I was young enough so that the other man would have been young enough too. Now, as I get older, and I search for men in my age range (doesn't have to be my exact age but the age RANGE), it is more and more probable that I will not be that person's first love, and that brings tears to my eyes, literally.
The worst thing is, there's nothing I can probably do about the possibility of a man in my age range already having had a first love/girlfriend before meeting me; and that seems so sad. *I* want to be a man's first love but how is that possible nowadays?
Yes it's a good article.
It's worth pointing out that in I Thessalonians 4, which is one of the earliest documents in the New Testament, Paul tells his congregation that the first requirement of the Christian life is to be chaste and for a man to find a wife 'in holiness and honour', not by merely following lust/passion like the heathen.
Finding a wife 'in holiness' has got to mean doing so in accordance with the will of God, i.e. looking for another Christian rather than wasting time dating non-Christians as in fact some Christian men do. It means spending time learning what holiness means in terms of becoming a suitable man and looing for a suitable woman. Finding a wife 'in honour' would strike me as meaning not doing so in a shameful manner, i.e. immorally, disrespectfully.
All of this applies to Christian women looking for husbands too.
It's clear that looking for a spouse is a holy and honourable thing for all Christians. Nobody at all should feel ashamed of doing so.
Anonymous - That is amazing! It really depends on which Bible translation you read, as to whether the significance of 1 Thessolonians 4:4 is lost or not. In the KJV, it is clear: "That every one of you should know how to possess his vessel in sanctification and honour." Posessing his vessel is another way of saying how to take a wife for himself.
Simply amazing! I just never knew!
Regarding your point re non-Christians, I would just like to re-emphasise that this is not the same thing as non church-goer!
For Christian men there is of course no excuse for looking outside church circles, but for women, I would say perhaps that there is no excuse not to...
Thanks Farmer Tom for addressing the following comment by "Justin" on the Boundless blog! Nothing like telling the truth in love...
:-)
Although I don't always agree with Farmer Tom, I appreciate him taking the time to do this, despite having a wife, kids, and a full-time job!
(Yep, there are other reasons why marriage should not be delayed, but this is a pretty good starting point!
If I don't want to get married until I'm 40, then that is between me and God. Not me and the congregation.
Farmer Tom wrote:You have been given freewill by God, I respect your right to make decisions for yourself. However, I also have the backbone and fortitude to tell someone what I think of that decision.
And I think it's very unwise to wait till your 40 to marry.
There are lots of reasons. I'll give just three, cause I'm short on time.
First, you are intentionally delaying sexual gratification well past the norm, will you be able to remain celibate until your 40? If not you are setting yourself up to sin. This is not only disobedience to God's direct command, it is also a threat to all the Christian women who come in contact with you. I would not allow my daughters near you. Your behavior is just plain abnormal and therefore I would consider you someone for normal women to avoid.
Second,
What ten year old child wants to have a father who is so old they are unable to play catch, ride their bikes around the park, go for a walk without the old man wheezing like a steam train?
Your child will have a father that is 58 years old when the graduate from high school. 62 when college is over and if your child waits till they are 40 to marry you will probably never see a single grandchild.
Third, No intelligent woman would want to marry a man who has already lived half of his life. What is there to look forward to in "till death do us part" when statistically, the guy is half way in the box. This is even more true if you think your going to marry someone 10 years younger than yourself. She has every probability of spending 15 to 20 years as a widow. In case you didn't know it, those are very tough and lonely years for women. Why would any woman set herself up on purpose for that kind of pain?
shazia,
Quite a few single women are in your situation.
My advice from experience would be, ask God to make you shameless about your situation. You have done nothing wrong in being involuntarily single. Genesis says that the man and his wife were unashamed of being together before the Fall. Paul says in Romans that he is unashamed of the gospel which is God's power to reconcile men and women to Himself and to each other. You have been following the Gospel. You have nothing to be ashamed of before God or any man.
Also, try to find Christian women who married the only man they went out with. They do exist. Those who are happily married will tell you that what mattered was that their husbands treated them honourably. Look for how a man actually treats you and other people now.
I am convinced that this is an issue of prayer for the entire church.
Shazia,
What keeps you from widening your acceptable age range? I do not ask this to be sarcastic or mocking, or otherwise cruel; I am genuinely curious. Of course, if I touch upon something too personal there is no need to answer.
I understand the importance to your heart to be someone's first love. Until I suspended utterly my search for love, I was of the same mind. It just seems that the only place in which one might find someone with whom one would be their first love is within the realm of the younger faithful. Granted, there are some practical aspects that make this problematic, but I have to believe that these could be overcome.
I've always been of the mind that true love could transcend these differences of culture endemic to age. It wouldn't be easy, but worthwhile. Just a thought...
My previous Pastor was 20 when he got married. And his wife was 27.
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