Debbie Maken Comments on Ratio of Single Men in the UK Church
Captain Sensible writes: Once again, essential nuggets of wisdom on the blog of Debbie Maken.
Here is she reflecting on her recent trip to the UK, and the stark disparity between the number of single men compared to the number of single women in the church.
"Third, I have to wonder has the ratio always been this lop-sided? As Hodge would say, God has providently preserved an equal number of women to men in all ages. So, what are we to glean from this — Christian families are having a hard time creating Christian sons in the same proportion to Christian daughters?
"Or is it possible that in early adulthood the proportions of Christian single men to women are roughly equal, but as the single years go on, Christian men drift out of churches? Is it possible that the church which tendered a reduced concept of marriage and told men that marriage was unnecessary laid the seedbed for noncommitment to either marriage or the church itself? Or is it possible that men in leadership are responsible for changing the worship model into an entertainment one, and thus, have isolated masculine men from desiring the church? Or do women because they were made to be dependent (i.e. 'made for the man') have an easier time seeing their need for dependency on Christ, while men don’t?
"I think the set of rhetorical questions listed above are what the modern church needs to be exploring. I also think that in the spirit of evangelism, church leaders should make it a priority to seek out 'lost' single men and return them to the fold and instill in them a desire to achieve true biblical masculinity, not just characteristics of being helpful in a church body. Getting someone up to speed in being a husband and father does not take that long; the rest is learned through fumbling (and grace) on the job."
Here is she reflecting on her recent trip to the UK, and the stark disparity between the number of single men compared to the number of single women in the church.
"Third, I have to wonder has the ratio always been this lop-sided? As Hodge would say, God has providently preserved an equal number of women to men in all ages. So, what are we to glean from this — Christian families are having a hard time creating Christian sons in the same proportion to Christian daughters?
"Or is it possible that in early adulthood the proportions of Christian single men to women are roughly equal, but as the single years go on, Christian men drift out of churches? Is it possible that the church which tendered a reduced concept of marriage and told men that marriage was unnecessary laid the seedbed for noncommitment to either marriage or the church itself? Or is it possible that men in leadership are responsible for changing the worship model into an entertainment one, and thus, have isolated masculine men from desiring the church? Or do women because they were made to be dependent (i.e. 'made for the man') have an easier time seeing their need for dependency on Christ, while men don’t?
"I think the set of rhetorical questions listed above are what the modern church needs to be exploring. I also think that in the spirit of evangelism, church leaders should make it a priority to seek out 'lost' single men and return them to the fold and instill in them a desire to achieve true biblical masculinity, not just characteristics of being helpful in a church body. Getting someone up to speed in being a husband and father does not take that long; the rest is learned through fumbling (and grace) on the job."
posted by Captain Sensible at 6:38 AM
2 Comments:
It seems like a lot of single Christian men become Unchurched sometime between 15 and 30. They don’t seem to return to attending church until after they are married and start having children of their own.
I first noticed it starting in high school, that church-going Christian boys that were fifteen or older were not attending church as much, or stop going altogether. In the Army, talking to fellow soldiers attending services on post, they said they did not like to attend church when they were back home on leave. I later noticed a similar thing with most college men active in Christian campus outreach programs. They said they were uncomfortable in attending the church they grew up in.
I heard comments like, “My Church at home is only for women and children,” or “ it is mostly oriented towards elderly people.” The consistent story was that these Christian men felt alienated in the church they grew up in, but not in the military churches or campus outreach bible studies they were participating in. I assume that most of them became Unchurched when they left the military or graduated college.
- Fred, a Christian husband and a father of three.
I think it's time that UK church leaders woke up to the fact that there are not enough single men in church and the impact that this is having on single christian women and the wider ministry of the church. Most UK Church leaders seem to be male and married and therefore, the issue does not affect them (unless they have daughters who cannot find husbands of course!). Perhaps it would be a good thing if more vicars/church leaders daughters were struggling to find partners - it may start a mass evangelism programme to reach lost men in our society!
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