"Why Men Hate Going To Church" by David Murrow
Captain Sensible writes: "Why men hate going to church" by David Murrow is a fascinating book! I have only dipped into it, but already it is making a lot of sense, and I am sure there will be several more postings as I work my way through it.
What is becoming clear to me is how far our way of "doing church" is a) far removed from the Biblical blueprint, b) discouraging to the masculine spirit and strong male leadership and c) unfruitful.
We must get over ourselves and the idea that the way we do church now is simply the way it has to be. It doesn't have to be this way. In fact, it mustn't continue to be this way! Murrow quotes from Albert Einstein as follows: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
But isn't this what we are guilty of? Doing the same thing, over and over, and somehow expecting to see different results?
In his introduction, Murrow describes a church that will no doubt be familiar to many of us:
"I looked around the sanctuary and counted noses. Just one-third of the adult attendees were men -- most of whom were over fifty. I identified at least a dozen married women whose husbands were absent. With the tots dismissed for kids' church, there was a handful of teenage boys, but almost no men between the ages of 18 and 35. There were no single men."
Murrow goes on to write: "I studied the bulletin: all of the midweek and volunteer opportunities were pitched at women and children. Each announcement ended with a woman's name: For more information call Shari/Sarah/Andrea/Victoria/Lauren etc.'"
This leads him on to ask: "What if church is unintentionally designed to reach women, children and elderly folk?" and if it is, "Must the church be this way?"
Clearly, we have two choices: Something needs to change, or we need to admit insanity.
Which is it going to be?
What is becoming clear to me is how far our way of "doing church" is a) far removed from the Biblical blueprint, b) discouraging to the masculine spirit and strong male leadership and c) unfruitful.
We must get over ourselves and the idea that the way we do church now is simply the way it has to be. It doesn't have to be this way. In fact, it mustn't continue to be this way! Murrow quotes from Albert Einstein as follows: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results."
But isn't this what we are guilty of? Doing the same thing, over and over, and somehow expecting to see different results?
In his introduction, Murrow describes a church that will no doubt be familiar to many of us:
"I looked around the sanctuary and counted noses. Just one-third of the adult attendees were men -- most of whom were over fifty. I identified at least a dozen married women whose husbands were absent. With the tots dismissed for kids' church, there was a handful of teenage boys, but almost no men between the ages of 18 and 35. There were no single men."
Murrow goes on to write: "I studied the bulletin: all of the midweek and volunteer opportunities were pitched at women and children. Each announcement ended with a woman's name: For more information call Shari/Sarah/Andrea/Victoria/Lauren etc.'"
This leads him on to ask: "What if church is unintentionally designed to reach women, children and elderly folk?" and if it is, "Must the church be this way?"
Clearly, we have two choices: Something needs to change, or we need to admit insanity.
Which is it going to be?
posted by Captain Sensible at 1:55 AM
5 Comments:
It is very wise to not simply just complain (however we do NEED TO complain) about the shortage of men in the church but it is high time that we DO start figuring out any possible reasons for it, indeed. Also by men avoiding the church, they are avoiding the women who go to the church as well (and I for one cannot tell whether this is intentional but if it is, we need to brainstorm reasons), and this might be another issue that needs to be addressed somehow.
Anyway Captain I did receive Debbie's book yesterday and I browsed through a LOT of it (but didn't technically start reading it but that is in my plans) but I am having a lot of trouble remaining emotionally OK with it; it actually tears me apart to see some of the content in there, like the costs of delaying marriage or the futilities of the modern dating process, the pains of living alone and coming home to an empty house, spending Valentine's and Mother's Day alone, the feelings of suicide and "death of loneliness" among many singles, etc. It exacerbates an already visceral depression I have concerning my loneliness and I sometimes question whether or not I am prepared to read the book because as you know, I am not exactly in a position to be proactive about pursuing marriage, and in my heart I agree with Maken's approaches to proactivity but without living in a Christian home with a willing Christian father and mother (and family for that matter) who could assist in the process, and having only 2 friends who both are GOS advocates (my guess is that the church they go to espouses the GOS too), I don't know how much I can be really proactive. It hurts immeasurably and I hope I am causing myself further emotional damage by reading Debbie's book.
Keep in mind that I am never going to bring this book back. I actually am feeling that people who were too negative about her book are actually hurt because deep down they know the content of the book is true and they can't face up to it. I really am baffled by the disparaging reviews of the book. I am finding it very difficult to find things in the book that I disagree with so vehemently.
By the way I must state that I am not trying to place church-going women to blame for men not attending church; but if ANY of these church-going-women are GOS advocates who think that you are not putting God first by desiring marriage, then that MIGHT be a reason why a lot of men are eschewing church, I don't know. I am only hypothesizing here.
Of course, I am not counting the church-going-women are truly desire to meet their spouse in a church. I feel for them, but it is not their fault. I don't think.
Oops, I was SUPPOSED to say that I hope I am NOT causing myself emotional damage by reading the book for the time being!
Shazia - Not sure I remember everything that you have read in Debbie's book. I don't recall it being so negative: more realistic with suggestions for positive action, to be honest.
But maybe it depends on your frame of mind when you read it?
So if you are feeling vulnerable, perhaps it would be best to keep it aside for a time when you are feeling more positive? (Maybe even for when you are married! Then you will really be in a position to help other women!)
I think you are right in saying that some of the women that vehemently oppose Debbie's book (and actually, it is usually women), simply choose to believe something different. The sugar-coated placebo drug of the "gift of singleness", and all the "waiting" and "trusting" it entails, gives some purpose and meaning to their singleness. Like God is busy "preparing" them (or their husbands-to-be) for marriage! I despise these lies, but you can't force the truth down people's throats.
Having said that, please listen to my encouragement:
a) I believe from a previous post that you are still quite young? So don't panic! God can change things around in an instant and there are very encouraging signs of a stirring of the Spirit in these areas.
b) Again I want to stress that God knows and understands your position. I think He wants Christian men and women to start rising up -- and even getting a bit angry -- about the things that are so badly wrong in the church. But He is not going to expect you to do more than you can! So just do what you can -- and then let God be God.
Okay?
Well I am not sure if 27 is that young but if you already knew I was 27 then thanks for the vote of confidence (that was not meant to be sarcastic).
Maybe I inadvertantly purported Debbie's book as negative instead of realistic, simply because the realistic statements made in the book ARE sad! And maybe I equated that sadness with negativity.
I feel though that I am alright with reading the first couple chapters (even though I am not sure I will be able to read Chapter 7 right now - maybe when I'm feeling stronger) and seeing if I would like to continue, because it's hard for me to keep a book around that I've desired for so long and not read some of it.
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