Singleness "contentment" and "gratitude". Debbie Maken clears the air - again!
Captain Sensible writes: I am loving Debbie Maken's clear thinking that drives through the muddy, unholy mess we have got ourselves into regarding singleness and marriage! How the enemy must be delighted to see Christian singles beat themselves up over whether they are "content" enough, or "grateful" enough, instead of getting on with the goldy business of getting married, having a family, and being the salt and light the world so desperately needs! Here is her latest comment on her blog that addresses these matters. (I particularly love this: "gee, I wasn't content, but I think I was thankful...no, no, no, I was definitely happy, but I guess I could be a little more grateful...I voiced a legitimate complaint over my singleness, but was it biblically said, and if it wasn't, did I just shoot myself in the foot...") Her advice at the end is spot on. The only thing I would add is to face the reality of the lack of men in church circles (and the negative impact this also has on the few single men in church circles) and for single Christian women to understand that they need to seek out the believers in the world that are missing from our churches. They are out there! It's time to bring in the harvest!
"May I suggest that neither the word "contentment" nor the word "gratitude" should be used in this context whatsoever. It is problematic in not only what is conveyed, but what is heard, received and processed. I do not think singles need to be any more "content" with their state than a married individual, or a starving individual, or a sick individual, or a toddler who did not get her way today. Neither is the single required to show more "gratitude" than others. Gratefulness/thankfulness is required by all of God's people for all that He has done. Contentment has to have an object, that is, the Lord, and is not tied to one's circumstance. Therefore, in a sense, both the terms "contentment" and "gratitude" are superfluous in the singleness discussion. Because both of these concepts are neutral in their application to ALL of the body, why even bother to parse words and come up with different ways singles need to constantly self-evaluate-- "gee, I wasn't content, but I think I was thanful. ... no, no, no, I was definitely happy, but I guess I could be a little more grateful . . . I voiced a legitimate complaint over my singleness, but was it biblically said, and if it wasn't, did I just shoot myself in the foot . . . ." Singles already put themselves through enough spiritual hoops and hurdles self-examining the most microscopic spiritual deficiency as to why they are not married, must we do more to add to the confusion. There simply is no reason for singles to receive the brunt of the selective application of these concepts.
"As a lawyer, and often as a judicial clerk, my function has often been to foresee the confusion/damage that certain language can cause. Most of the singleness confusion can be directly traced back to a very convenient and fractured understanding of I Corinthians 7, apart from the rest of Scripture as a whole. But if that were not devastating enough, we have developed another layer of bad, bad subdoctrines like "idolatry of marriage," "contentment," "seeking the kingdom (i.e. through anything but marriage apparently), etc." In the present light, I believe that any repetitious interjection of words like "contentment," or "gratefulness," operate in the same fashion to often reduce singles into this kind of if ... then type of thinking toward marriage. Just like sloppy judicial writing, our Christianese and peculiar insistence of these terms being in a single person's glossary are likely going to be the subject of future misinterpretation.
"You both are good solid Christian singles, don't do any more disservice to yourselves or your fellow Christians by remaining on this road of hyper-spiritualization to and of marriage. The average Christian single needs to examine why they are repeatedly failing in the dating game, and either jumping ship to try another route with more predictable mechanisms, or shoring up in some practical areas to be more marriageable."
"May I suggest that neither the word "contentment" nor the word "gratitude" should be used in this context whatsoever. It is problematic in not only what is conveyed, but what is heard, received and processed. I do not think singles need to be any more "content" with their state than a married individual, or a starving individual, or a sick individual, or a toddler who did not get her way today. Neither is the single required to show more "gratitude" than others. Gratefulness/thankfulness is required by all of God's people for all that He has done. Contentment has to have an object, that is, the Lord, and is not tied to one's circumstance. Therefore, in a sense, both the terms "contentment" and "gratitude" are superfluous in the singleness discussion. Because both of these concepts are neutral in their application to ALL of the body, why even bother to parse words and come up with different ways singles need to constantly self-evaluate-- "gee, I wasn't content, but I think I was thanful. ... no, no, no, I was definitely happy, but I guess I could be a little more grateful . . . I voiced a legitimate complaint over my singleness, but was it biblically said, and if it wasn't, did I just shoot myself in the foot . . . ." Singles already put themselves through enough spiritual hoops and hurdles self-examining the most microscopic spiritual deficiency as to why they are not married, must we do more to add to the confusion. There simply is no reason for singles to receive the brunt of the selective application of these concepts.
"As a lawyer, and often as a judicial clerk, my function has often been to foresee the confusion/damage that certain language can cause. Most of the singleness confusion can be directly traced back to a very convenient and fractured understanding of I Corinthians 7, apart from the rest of Scripture as a whole. But if that were not devastating enough, we have developed another layer of bad, bad subdoctrines like "idolatry of marriage," "contentment," "seeking the kingdom (i.e. through anything but marriage apparently), etc." In the present light, I believe that any repetitious interjection of words like "contentment," or "gratefulness," operate in the same fashion to often reduce singles into this kind of if ... then type of thinking toward marriage. Just like sloppy judicial writing, our Christianese and peculiar insistence of these terms being in a single person's glossary are likely going to be the subject of future misinterpretation.
"You both are good solid Christian singles, don't do any more disservice to yourselves or your fellow Christians by remaining on this road of hyper-spiritualization to and of marriage. The average Christian single needs to examine why they are repeatedly failing in the dating game, and either jumping ship to try another route with more predictable mechanisms, or shoring up in some practical areas to be more marriageable."
posted by Captain Sensible at 11:46 PM
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