Are Christian men particularly prone to "Passive Aggressive" personalities?
Captain Sensible writes: Have just started looking into this subject, and I do believe there may be something in it, which is particularly affecting Christian men.
There is a lot of information about this personality disorder on the internet (obviously care needs to be taken when assimilating this!), but in essence it seems to be displayed as an outwardly passive "nice guy" facade, with an aggressive behaviour pattern underneath. The passive aggressive will not admit to this, but rather vent his anger by causing verbal damage and emotional trauma to the woman he is in a relationship with, while all the while on the outside appearing to be a compassionate individual. When the woman is a Christian, and very willing to love and nurture, she is particularly susceptible to charges that the problems in the relationship are all her fault, particularly in our current climate where women are encouraged to minutely examine their own behaviour and not assess whether the man's behaviour is actually reasonable or not.
Two Christian women I know have been trying to deal with a passive aggressive man, and one is currently going through a marital separation.
This is a subject I may well return to, but it strikes me that Christian men in particular have a problem with this due to the way we have turned Jesus into some meek and mild hippy, with the passages where Jesus expressed His anger blotted out in the same way that we blot out the passages that tell Christians they should marry. Combine that outward anger suppression and current climate of "men are never to blame", with the notion that Christian women have so much work to do on themselves before they can possibly be a good wife...and you have a pretty noxious concoction.
There is a lot of information about this personality disorder on the internet (obviously care needs to be taken when assimilating this!), but in essence it seems to be displayed as an outwardly passive "nice guy" facade, with an aggressive behaviour pattern underneath. The passive aggressive will not admit to this, but rather vent his anger by causing verbal damage and emotional trauma to the woman he is in a relationship with, while all the while on the outside appearing to be a compassionate individual. When the woman is a Christian, and very willing to love and nurture, she is particularly susceptible to charges that the problems in the relationship are all her fault, particularly in our current climate where women are encouraged to minutely examine their own behaviour and not assess whether the man's behaviour is actually reasonable or not.
Two Christian women I know have been trying to deal with a passive aggressive man, and one is currently going through a marital separation.
This is a subject I may well return to, but it strikes me that Christian men in particular have a problem with this due to the way we have turned Jesus into some meek and mild hippy, with the passages where Jesus expressed His anger blotted out in the same way that we blot out the passages that tell Christians they should marry. Combine that outward anger suppression and current climate of "men are never to blame", with the notion that Christian women have so much work to do on themselves before they can possibly be a good wife...and you have a pretty noxious concoction.
posted by Captain Sensible at 3:48 AM
3 Comments:
I'm not sure this one's gender-specific. Keep in mind I'm in Australia, so things could be quite different over here. But I see many christian men AND women with this passive aggression. Women are taught that they should be happy, content, meek, mild and obey their husbands at all times... ARGH how they keep partially sane is beyond me.
Have you read the book Boundaries (Cloud and Townsend) at all? If so, do you find it useful to recommend to people dealing with this problem?
Thanks Naomi, I'll check out the book. Sounds like useful reading.
With regard to passive aggression, it is generally thought to be more typically a male syndrome. I am not quite sure why that is. Possibly repressed anger turns inward rather than outward in women, and is more likely to lead to depression?
Also, women are more responsive creatures, and if they are treated well, they tend to blossom and respond very favourably. Men with passive aggression seem to take it out most on women that treat them very kindly and lovingly.
Hmm...
The Boundaries in Dating book is horrible, horrible, horrible. Cloud and Townsend are delusional to think that their advice will be of any real value to those seeking marriage. The book is merely a compilation of their secretary typing up notes from disturbed clients and some observations that flow from those meetings. Moreover, this is one of those books that jumped on the bandwagon to cruxify Josh Harris for daring to suggest the unbiblicity of Western dating. I have a feeling that the negative spin-off books were more the result to cash in and get some residual attention, than sincerely held beliefs. Much like Kostenberger's initial questioning of Maken's propositions, and four times mentioning the name of his book in his alleged disagreement.
Stay far, far away. This book will anger you in many ways.
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