Is Carolyn McCulley Now A...(Sob!)...Traitor?

Frieda Fruitcake writes: Another trying day on the blogosphere! My painful distress is caused by the apparent seismic shift by Carolyn McCulley on her blog to the so-called "both/and" position with regard to the pursuit of marriage.
This "both/and" position appears to amount to the fact that we need to be fellow workers with God in all areas of our lives, including our marital status. If we are single and desire to be married (as if!) then we need to make some effort ourselves, not just leave it all up to God.
Carolyn speaks as if this was always her position, but that's just not true! Rather, I discern a worrying movement towards The Dark Side.
I stand to be corrected if I am wrong, but was there any such "both/and" position indicated in her popular book?
Let's take a look at some of my favourite, most inspirational passages!

"Ultimately we are single because that's God's will for us right now. That's it. It's not because we are too old, too fat, too skinny, too tall, too short, too quiet, too loud, too smart, too simple, too demanding, or too anything else. It's not wholly because of past failures or sin tendencies. It's not because we're of one race when many of the men around us are of another. It's not because the men we know lean toward passive temperaments. It's not because there are more women than men in our singles group. It's not because our church doesn't even have a singles group. Though perhaps these things seem like valid reasons, they don't trump God's will...We are single today because God apportioned us this gift today."

"If God has marriage for me, He will bring it about."

"Shortly after my fortieth birthday, a college friend wondered whether I was really serious about getting married. She wanted to know why I wasn't more proactive about achieving that goal. had I considered Internet dating? I couldn't just sit around and expect it to happen. She was trying to be helpful, to express her care. But her words fueled a slow boil of despair in my soul."

No "both/and" perspective there! Rather, Carolyn writes a whole chapter entitled "Esteeming the Gift", stating that there is a Bible passage that calls singleness a gift, that she herself "has received the charisma of singleness", and she appears to advocate "waiting" and "trusting" for God to "call" her to marriage, should He choose to make all that effort on her behalf.
How wonderful that Boundless continues to commission her as a contributor and helpfully points readers in the direction of said book!
So where has this "both/and" nonsense come from?
This is deeply troubling!
But fear not, dear singleness-gifted ladies and last remaining brother in the church! Indeed, all is not lost.
Carolyn does at least call the idea of a Christian singles mixer "worldly" and warns us -- again! -- about how "searching for a mate can easily slip into idolatry".
She may be shifting over to The Dark Side, but it appears she is being dragged kicking and screaming.
And there is still that book to set singles straight whenever they are tempted to be in the least bit proactive themselves, regardless of whatever funny turn she makes on her blog!

Candice Watters: You're Grrrrrrrrreat!

Captain Sensible writes: Having expressed some exasperation with Boundless before for the mixed messages they send out, and the confusing way in which they may write a valuable blog post and then let it get lost amidst a sea of contrary comments until the reader's brain is so scrambled that they are left more muddled than ever ... I am now delighted to eat humble pie -- and it tastes soooo goood!
A heartfelt thank you to Candice Watters for writing this: Misguided Compassion.
(And I would like to write some more on this later!)

"Marry Young." Who said that? Not a Christian, obviously (barring Debbie Maken of course)

Captain Sensible writes: Astounding!
Anyone ever heard a church leader urging singles to get married young? (Or even just to get married at all, frankly?)
Thought not.
Yet the Bible refers to "the wife of your youth" five times, I believe. (You'd have thought once would be enough, but FIVE times sounds like God is really trying to tell us something!)
But fear not. Biblical wisdom for singles may not be found in our churches these days, but it does appear in the secular press.
Excellent article here in The Times by Mary Kenny, urging singles to do just that: "Marry young". I don't exactly agree with the provocative headline "matrimony is wasted on the old", but as I believe Debbie Maken has written either in her book (Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the Gift of Singleness) or on her blog, youth is the best season to enjoy the full benefits and privileges of marriage.
So, Biblical wisdom can be found by reading Debbie Maken or the secular press, but not in our churches or by any other Christian writer.
Shame, isn't it?
(PS: Note the world doesn't make-up imaginary platitudes for protracted singleness such as "waiting on the Lord", "trusting in God", seeking "God's best" or the blessings of "the gift of singleness". They acknowledge that it's a cultural problem. Tut tut, church, tut tut! We need to wake up and smell the roses that are now well past their bloom and are slowly dying a dry, barren death -- and quit scolding them for not being "content" about it!)

"If it is the received opinion that Prince William and Kate Middleton were too young to be wed, then I would suggest that the received opinion is in error. Indeed, if it is the young Prince’s own view that 24 is too young to be married, then I would suggest this may be a mistake. The mid-twenties are a perfect time for a young couple to be married. Indeed, at 25, a woman is already past the peak of her biological fertility, which occurs at the age of 23.
"It has become the custom among the middle classes not to enter into matrimony until they reach their late twenties or early to middle thirties. In working-class milieux, it has become the custom not to marry at all, but to cohabit without benefit of state or clergy, although this is usually because of the reluctance of the male to 'commit', rather than the female’s refusal of a stable contract. These social trends are among the reasons why marriage itself is decreasing.
"Having failed to take the plunge in the salad days of their twenties, the thirtysomethings grow ever more picky and choosy, and the young women ever more concerned about their fertility choices receding: while the available pool of suitable males shrinks ever smaller.
"Marriage is a relationship that requires the paradoxical virtues of both fortitude and flexibility, or courage and tolerance, and these characteristics are best found in the young. The young are brave; they have valour; they are ready to plunge into the whirlpool and take the risk. And surely the marriage of true minds and one flesh has its most radiant flowering in the full sunshine of youth’s idealism — not of maturity’s calculation?"

Read the full article here.

Super-Stupid Quote Of The Day: #1

"I am single because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being single."
(Paige Brown, Reformed University Fellowship, University of Virginia, Arlington)

Captian Sensible writes: I am sure Ms Brown means to be helpful. But would the above quote also apply for cancer, I wonder? Unemployment, maybe? How about the murder of one's child? Let's see how that sounds: "I am the mother of one of the students that died at Virginia Tech because God is so abundantly good to me, because this is his best for me. It is a cosmic impossibility that anything could be better for me right now than being the bereaved mother of one of the young students that was murdered at college on Monday morning."
Okay, I am guilty of using a shock tactic here, and I apologise if any offence is caused. I am also the first to admit that I am no theologian either. But does this sound like the God we serve to you? It certainly doesn't to me! I note the author of the quote is/was at the University of Virginia. Is that the Christian comfort that Ms Brown would offer to the bereaved? I sincerely hope not!
Yes, God can and does work all things for good. But that does not mean that all things are good. That would mean there was no sickness, sin or evil in the world! That would mean it was pointless for Jesus to die because bad things don't exist! (And just as an aside, why do we pray that "Thy will be done" in the Lord's Prayer if everything that happens is already God's will? Seems like a pretty pointless thing to pray in that case!)
Come on people, we can do better than the nonsense that is being spouted out about singleness these days just to give singles some kind of fake "feel-good" factor.

"Jesus wept." (John 11.35)

Urgent Call To Ban Dolls!

Frieda Fruitcake writes: It troubles me that we still see little girls -- even in church nurseries! -- playing with dolls, often cradling them as if they were a baby! Surely this can lead to later discontentment with the precious and wonderful "gift" of singleness, and the resulting holy barrenness it causes?
I agree with the excellent Kristin Aune, author of “Single women – A challenge to the church?”, that we should be teaching our young girls about the blessing of being barren and not encouraging them in their silly notions of having a family of their own!
As Aune so eloquently puts it: "Positive teaching about singleness can never begin too early, and children and young people also need to be taught its value...Young women...rarely consider the prospect that they may not marry, because they have not been taught a biblical view of the gift of singleness. It is not until they are in their twenties that the realization dawns that there are far fewer single Christian men than women and that their expectations of marriage may never be fulfilled. By this time, it can be difficult for them to get rid of the mindset which views marriage as a probable, if not definite, part of their future.”
Please join me in boycotting your local toy shop to persuade them to stop selling dolls to impressionable young girls! No good can come of it, particularly as if the church continues haemorrhaging men at our current impressive rate, by the time these young girls grow into a marriageable age, there are likely to be no men in the church for them to marry (hurrah!).
Church leaders, I implore you especially to stop filling your own little girls' minds with poisonous nonsense about marriage and babies! Instead, encourage them in the benefits of lifelong, barren spinsterhood -- such as an undivided devotion to their cats!
And you can stop any sinful thoughts of your own relating to grandchildren too, while you're at it!
God bless.

Singleness in our culture and the Christian church. Could there just possibly be a connection?

Captain Sensible writes: Every paper I seem to pick up these days features articles about how singleness is on the increase, how people are delaying marriage indefinitely, and how women are leaving it too late to have children.
This is the exactly the pattern we are seeing in the church.
But there is a difference.
In the church, we are told singleness is a good "gift" from God, and that if we are single then it is God's will that we are, and that we should just wait and trust, and then when the time is right, He will reward our singleness contentment with a spouse.
I have one question:
Have Christians done away with circumcision, only to replace it with lobotomies?

Millionaire's Advice for Becoming A Business Success...

...is to find a wife.
That's according to a report in The Times newspaper today, which reads: "The millionaire founder of Kwik-Fit, Sir Tom Farmer, was recently asked to give his best piece of advice for becoming a business success. His answer was simple: find a good wife. 'I know it sounds romanticised but it’s true,' he said. 'The most important person in my life has been my wife.'"
Hmm, this reminds me of something... What could it be? Oh yes, he who finds a wife finds a good thing and receives favour from the Lord.
But surely that's not in the Bible, is it? Wouldn't a Christian leader somewhere have mentioned it to the "contented bachelors" in their congregation if it were?
After all, bachelorhood without a specific, purposeful call to celibacy is detrimental to their whole lives -- including their career.
It would be a little irresponsible of church leaders, to say the least, if they treated it as unmentionable...
Well, wouldn't it?

Masturbation: Only a Problem of Lust?

Captain Sensible writes: Read any Christian literature relating to the act of masturbation, and the emphasis will be on the sin of lust. Masturbation involves lustful thoughts, and as such, it is the sin of lust that is to be condemned, so the thinking goes.
You are unlikely to read anything that would suggest God would be unhappy with the deliberate waste of semen involved...
But let's see what the Bible says.
Genesis 38:8-10 says this: 'Then Judah said to Onan, "Lie with your brother's wife and fulfil your duty to her as a brother-in-law to produce offspring for your brother." But Onan knew that the offspring would not be his; so whenever he lay with his brother's wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from producing offspring for his brother. What he did was wicked in the LORD's sight; so he put him to death also.'
Charles Provan (quoted here) says this about the word "spilled" which is used: 'The verb used is not for merely emitting semen. Out of all the verses which mention the emission of semen in the Old Testament, the Onan verse "he wasted his seed on the ground" is the only verse to employ the word "shachath" (which means "to waste, corrupt, destroy, devastate"). This word is used in many passages as a synonym for "killed", "destroy". (For example see Gen. 6:17, 9:15 and Judges 20:21) Does one not see that there might be a reason for Onan's emission of seed to described as a "killing" of seed, while all other passages use words which merely mean "emit"? The reason is that in all other passages, no one does anything to intentionally harm the semen--but in Onan's case, he deliberately killed his. If "there is nothing in the whole Bible that specifically condemns the spilling of the seed", then why does Scripture use the very negative word "shacath" in Onan's case but not in any of the others?'
So then, is the act of male masturbation to be condemned not only, or even primarily, for lust, but because it is a deliberate killing or destruction of seed that is created by God to be used to bring forth life?
Maybe something for "contented" Christian bachelors and church leaders to think about?
Should our attitude be that they are most likely godly men who have the correct attitude towards singleness? No need for contentment lectures or dire warnings about making an idol out of marriage for these self-made eunuchs!
Or rather, should their deliberate refusal to father a child and raise that child in the ways of the Lord, be challenged? Particularly when they know that the lack of men in the church has devastating repercussions on Christian women that desire to be mothers.
Might they even be held responsible for leading a Christian woman into sin, by effectively forcing her to marry unbelievers?
After all, her longing is to be fruitful in the manner for which her body was designed, and to bring forth the godly offspring that God states is his desire...
Just a little food for thought! Don't have nightmares!

Happy Easter!

"Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

(Philippians 4:8)

Make Me A Channel Of Your Peace

Captain Sensible writes: Never did I imagine I would find this lovely song: "Make me a channel of your peace", sung beautifully by Sinead O'Connor, on YouTube.
Yet here it is.
The words are, I believe, based on a prayer of Francis of Assisi and the link to the song is below.
The images that accompany it are quite a mixed bag -- but the thing that strikes me is that Jesus died today out of love for every single person featured.
What a good Friday!

Make me a channel of your peace

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me bring Your love,
Where there is injury, Your pardon Lord,
And where there's doubt, true faith in You

Make me a channel of your peace,
Where there's despair in life let me bring hope,
Where there is darkness - only light,
And where there's sadness, ever joy

Oh Master, grant that I may never seek,
So much to be consoled as to console,
To be understood, as to understand,
To be loved, as to love with all my soul

Make me a channel of your peace,
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all men that we recieve,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAo_CgwdkPY

Question: When Is A Gift Not A Gift?

Answer: When it's referring to the imaginary "gift" of singleness, or the supposed "gift" to the British people of the release of the 15 Royal Navy captives, that the Iranian government had no right to hold in the first place.
Now our church leaders and President Ahmadinejad have something in common at least.
They are as deluded as each other as to what constitutes a genuine gift.

Marriage versus Singleness: Both Equal "Gifts"? You Decide!

Captain Sensible writes: The "church" (not the Lord, mind!), tells us that marriage and singleness are both equal gifts, and that we must be content with either "gift".
The Bible doesn't speak of such nonsense of course, despite what Christian leaders and writers try to make us believe (out of convenience perhaps? See Debbie Maken's revealing comment on the previous post!).
Love and marriage is God's design, God's creation, God's will for all of us that are a) not gifted with a high degree of sexual self-control, no doubt in order to free us up for Kingdom work that would be incompatible with marriage and a family (1 Corinthians 7:7), b) are experiencing a time of present crisis (1 Corinthians 7:26), or c) fit into the eunuch categories that Jesus outlines in Matthew 19, including self-sacrificially renouncing marriage for the sake of the Kingdom (not for the sake of commitment phobia or video games and computers, note!).
No wonder then the Bible is full of marriage, marriage, marriage -- with even a whole book dedicated to the joys of erotic love! (Where's the book dedicated to the joys of singleness I wonder? Hmm...)
So enough of (mainly married!) church leaders telling us otherwise. (Remember a couple of hundred years ago, church leaders were telling people that slavery was God's will...)
Here's what some other people have had to say on the matter. So much wisdom and understanding to be found just about anywhere except in the contemporary church!
You don't have to accept the nonsense the Bride of Christ is spewing out at the moment, you know...

Beware you be not swallowed up in books! An ounce of love is worth a pound of knowledge.
John Wesley

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

Love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness.
Sigmund Freud

Thank heaven. A bachelor's life is no life for a single man.
Samuel Goldwyn, immigrant-turned-famous-movie-producer, when told his son was getting married.

Love is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
Lisa Hoffman

There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends.
Homer, Odyssey, ninth century B.C.

Life is the flower for which love is the honey.
Victor Hugo

Marriage has many pains, but celibacy has no pleasures.
Samuel Johnson

To love another person is to help them love God.
Søren Kierkegaard

To love someone deeply gives you strength. Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage.
Lao Tzu

Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that.
Michael Leunig

Harpo, she's a lovely person. She deserves a good husband. Marry her before she finds one.
Oscar Levant, to Harpo Marx upon meeting Harpo's fiancee

We seek the comfort of another. Someone to share and share the life we choose. Someone to help us through the never-ending attempt to understand ourselves. And in the end, someone to comfort us along the way.
Marlin Finch Lupus

There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage
Martin Luther

Age does not protect you from love but love to some extent protects you from age.
Jeanne Moreau

Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the wedding cup, whenever you're wrong, admit it; whenever you're right, shut up.
Ogden Nash

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
Rainer Maria Rilke

This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love; the more they give, the more they possess.
Rainer Maria Rilke

We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love.
Tom Robbins

To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven.
Karen Sunde

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier.
Judith Viorst

God help the man who won't marry until he finds a perfect woman, and God help him still more if he finds her.
Benjamin Tillett

And finally, for commitment phobes everywhere... ;)

I date this girl for two years--and then the nagging starts: "I wanna know your name."
Mike Binder

A Condemnation of Marriage "Celebrations"

Frieda Fruitcake writes: It pains me to report that I was a sorrowful witness to a so-called marriage "celebration" this past weekend. Indeed it has taken me this long to recover sufficiently to write this post, although I still find myself suffering the after-effects during my night-time slumbers.
A previously lovely young woman from my church has recklessly embarked on a course of marriage with an undeniably smug-looking "gentleman" from another church, thereby destroying a lifetime of undivided devotion to the Lord with the two words that always send shivers down my spine: "I do."
However, the point of this post is not to mourn the departure of the precious Gift of Singleness -- distressing though that is -- but to challenge the church on its hypocritical attitude to this whole messy business of marriage.
The terribly misguided Captain Sensible aside, we all agree that singleness is a wonderful gift that enables us to devote ourselves completely to the Lord in a totally unselfish and undivided manner (time spent on video games, computers, watching sport on television, going to the cinema and watching DVDs aside, of course).
So why does the church insist on celebrating marriage as if it were something good?
Instead, the church should chastise men and women thinking of embarking on this course for their inability to control their passion and sinfully putting another person in the path between them and their Father in heaven.
As has been helpfully pointed our previously, marriage is a hindrance to the Lord's service!
Many a single will need to stop spending every waking moment in prayerful contemplation of the cross, as they currently all do, and instead entertain lustful thoughts of making love, sharing a lifetime of love and laughter and building a home and a future together.
The church simply must stop hypocritically celebrating marriage and re-examine the content of pre-marital counselling courses to make their sole aim to prevent the marriage ever happening in the first place.
The church is of course to be congratulated on doing her best to put stumbling blocks in the way of marriage, and is admittedly doing so very effectively.
But it is simply no longer good enough to make marriage as hard as possible to achieve!
Some couples are still slipping through the net, and I suggest that if they persist in going ahead with their plans, they should be ostracised from the Body with immediate effect upon return from their honeymoon.
And as for celebrating the birth of a child as a wonderful gift from God, it should be seen as a sign that the married couple were not able to control themselves and only study the Bible together at bedtime, but rather gave in to their basest urges, and as such should be shamed and humiliated in front of the entire congregation!
I hope this call to action will receive much support from the vast majority of church leaders who so magnificently extol the virtues of singleness.
But frankly, it has to be said that they can -- and they must -- do better!