"In America over the last 30 years, we’ve done something unprecedented. We have managed to transform marriage, the most basic and universal of human institutions, into something controversial."Captain Sensible writes: That's how the book "The Case for Marriage" by Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher, opens.
And the church (here in the UK as well as in the States), the Body of Christ that should have been a steady rock during these culturally turbulent times for marriage, has been woefully in error, twisting Scripture to meekly follow our culture these past 30 years.
The book points out that "(V)irtually every study of happiness that has ever been done has found that married men and women are happier than singles".
No wonder then that singles find it so hard to reach that singleness nirvana that is promised to them, if they can only
stop making an idol out of marriage!
I have not yet read the book myself, but the editorial review on
Amazon, reads as follows:
"The wages of the married are high, commitment is good for the libido, and, despite 30 years of arguments to the contrary, happiness may just depend on reciting the wedding vow, according to Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher. After sifting through the evidence and conducting their own studies, the authors conclude that marriage is beneficial and transformational, and that neither cohabitation nor swinging singledom are all they're cracked up to be. In fact, it turns out that marriage is a public heath issue: being single can take almost 10 years off a man's life, while wifely nagging really is good for his health. Getting and keeping a wife can also increase a man's income as much as an education...So, what does threaten marriage? For one, the insecurity engendered by the cultural acceptance of divorce. Couples are now less willing to invest fully in each other, the authors write, while 'commitment produces contentment; uncertainty creates agony.' Cultural indifference towards marriage is the other big downer. Because marriage is a public commitment, it can 'work its miracles only if it is supported by the whole society.' Not surprisingly, divorce gets a very bad rap as Waite and Gallagher pull out the heavyweight facts, particularly when it comes to its effect on children. The good news, though, is that marriage is resilient -- five years down the road most couples who considered but resisted divorce found that they were happy again."
Smug, "married by the age of 21", Christians may point the finger at the words “cultural indifference towards marriage” and tut, but what else is it that the church has been preaching this last generation? “Singleness is a gift. Marriage is a gift. You must be equally content with either.” If that’s not indifference towards marriage, I don’t know what is. (Debbie Maken gets it right – again – when she pointed out in an interview that the contemporary church is only "pro-marriage" and "pro-family" for those already
in marriages and families! It isn't for singles!)
And it's with wry amusement that I note the line: "Commitment produces contentment; uncertainty creates agony." No wonder singles -- women especially, as they are more commitment-orientated naturally -- find it agonisingly impossible to "be content with singleness". I believe it is actually a
sin to even try, as it ignores the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply. The contentment
in the Lord that Paul wrote about does not mean
being content to allow a bad situation to continue when it is in our power to do something about it.It's also interesting that the authors note that marriage can "work its miracles only if it is supported by the whole society."
But we are now in the desperate position that our culture is beginning to move on and recognise after all the benefits of marriage, while unrepentant pastors are still trying to preach that singleness is a gift!Toby Young, associate editor of The Spectator, writes: “In a book called The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher point out that 90 per cent of married men alive at 48 will still be alive at 65, whereas only 60 per cent of 48-year-old single men will make it to retirement age. Married men are half as likely as single men to commit suicide and single men drink twice as much. Perhaps most alarmingly — at least for bachelors — a married man with heart disease can expect to live an average of 1,400 days longer than a single man with a healthy heart.”
Hmm – maybe that depends on one’s definition of a "healthy" heart? My post
“Not good” for man to be alone shows how the isolation of singleness can lead to an early grave for men: "Pity the poor, lonely bachelor, living in fear of commitment in favour of 'keeping his options open' for decade after decade, and being lied to by Christians who tell him that, contrary to the Biblical command to be fruitful and multiply, he is living a fine and Godly life by remaining single throughout his 20s, 30s, 40s and then, ooops, he drops down dead from loneliness..."
(Ted Slater take note: You are doing neither single men, nor single women, any good by trying to distance yourself from those horrid "marriage mandators" like Candice Watters, and allowing the comments on your blog to spread false teaching. You have been placed in a position of influence where you could do a lot of good. Now is the time to step up and do it. You will not be able to wring your hands and plead ignorance when the day comes that you have to give account of your editorship at such a crucial point in time, when marriage was under severe threat from not just our culture but also the church.)
