The Same Yesterday, Today and Forever: #2

"(Again) If two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone?"
(Ecclesiastes 4:11)

New Living Translation and The Message: Good Work!

Captain Sensible writes: In the interests of research, I attended a singles conference on Monday, where I had the unpleasant experience of hearing all about how singles should be "content" with their singleness, just like Adam was before God brought him his wife.
This got a couple of us pondering about just how "content" Adam really was being single.
Turning to Genesis 2: 23, I re-read Adam's words when he saw Eve.

The NIV states it as follows:

'The man said,
"This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh;
she shall be called 'woman, 'for she was taken out of man."'

The King James has this:

'And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'

This got us thinking about the significance of the word "now". Doesn't that imply some sense of relief? That he actually was -- perish the thought -- feeling quite discontent? Like he had been looking for a helper, but wasn't able to find one from amongst the other creatures God has created?
Out of interest, I then thought I'd see what the dodgy Living Translation has done with this, expecting it to say something along the lines of: "Despite being delighted with his gift of singleness, Adam reluctantly, and under duress, duly accepted the wife that God had foisted upon him." ;) So you can imagine my surprise when I saw that The Living Translation actually says this:

'“At last!” the man exclaimed.
“This one is bone from my bone,
and flesh from my flesh!
She will be called ‘woman,’
because she was taken from ‘man."'

"At last!"??? The man "exclaimed"??? Doesn't that strongly suggest some discontent going on before? That he was actively looking for a suitable, wife-like creature, but wasn't having much success because God hadn't made Eve yet?
Bolstered by this, I then looked at The Message, culprit of the "gift of the single life" nonsense. Well whaddya know? Here's The Message:

'The Man said, "Finally! Bone of my bone,
flesh of my flesh!
Name her Woman
for she was made from Man."'

"Finally!" indeed!
So, my question is this - was Adam discontent, even in the pre-fall Garden of Eden where he was in perfect communion with God, because he needed a wife? God knew it, but what's more, did even Adam know it?
"Now" I have a wife! "Now" I can be happy and whole!

"Fighting with my weak hand"

Captain Sensible writes: At the excellent London Institute for Contemporary Christianity's "Church is for Girls!" talk last week, one of the speakers, Lee Jackson, quoted from Coldplay's song, X&Y, saying that due to the lack of men in our churches, the Body of Christ is "fighting with its weak hand."
How true that is! With a church full of women, we really are fighting with our weak hand, and oh how complacent our leaders are about that!
Still, look on the bright side (church leaders don't seem to want to do anything else!). It's a good excuse to listen to a great song by an amazingly talented band anyway!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFGnhFZWLZ4

The Same, Yesterday, Today and Forever: #1

"God sets the lonely in families..."
(Psalm 68:6)

A Challenge To Single Christian Women!

Captain Sensible writes: I know the problem that single Christian women are facing with regard to getting married. For the vast majority it is not their fault they are single, I understand that.
But I would like to issue you with a challenge!
What exactly are you doing to change this situation? Have you read Debbie Maken's book, and have you shown it to your Pastor and asked to book an appointment with him to discuss these issues? Do you know how to respond when someone says to you that singleness is a "gift" and you need to "be content" with it, that "Jesus is all you need" and that if you are single, then it is "God's will" that you are?
Have you expressed your deep concern about the lack of men in church, not only from the single woman's perspective (which is perfectly legitimate in itself) but also for the sake of the Body and the spiritual crisis that is affecting men in our world genererally? Are you offering your active help and financial resources to your leaders to make some changes in this area?
And are you being persistent enough about the need for these changes? In other words, are you making a godly nuisance of yourself, and if not, why not?!
I think many single Christian women are becoming despondent, feeling that they can't even pray about their own situation any more, never mind the needs of the Body of Christ as a whole. Their energy, faith, and hope is being sapped.
So let me ask you, is that good enough? Are you just going to roll over and concede defeat? (Not likely, is the correct response to that, btw!)
Ask yourself if you can really approach the throne of the Almighty and say, Lord, you know how difficult it was for me, how hard I found it being single, how difficult it was for me to pray, how my heart became sick with deferred hope, how I couldn't see beyond my personal situation to be active in this area for the good of the Body and the world?
Hmm - I'm afraid I don't think many single Christian women are going to be as "blameless" in this area as they think they will...
I would like to encourage you to FORCE yourself to pray about your own situation and beyond it. (And be under no illusion, it may take a real force of will!)
I think God will then provide the strength needed to act to realign the church's teaching on singleness to the Bible, and reap the harvest of men in the world that we are not currently reaching out to because it seems too difficult!
My concern is I think you may otherwise discover that you are not such an innocent victim as you think. And please don't see this as me heaping guilt on you on top of everything else! Please see it as encouragement -- an encouragement to pray above all else, and an encouragement to then act!

The Brilliance of God's Plan!

Captain Sensible writes: Having just re-read some of Mark Greene's words about God's plan to create a wife for Adam, to be his life-saving co-partner in our mission to steward God's creation (my paraphrase), I am just struck by the utter brilliance of God's plan in designing marriage. And that's just seeing it as through a glass darkly!
How loving and compassionate of God to allow us to have a special helper in life. Someone that we can experience and explore the shared joys and almost indescribable delights of the romantic and erotic love that He created with. Someone to help us as we navigate our way through life's trials and tribulations, challenges and successes, and have the even greater blessing of being able to do the same for them. Yes, God can provide for all our needs. But He has decided not to do that directly Himself always. He decided that we also need a human companion in order to live life to the full and blessed that relationship with wonderful pleasures for us! What incredible love there is to be found within it: the love of a man and his wife, mother and child, father and son or daughter. Nothing else on earth comes anywhere near close to that. Yes, there are different loves and joys. But I do believe this is an actual need for our being to thrive, as essential as food, shelter and the air that we breathe. I think that might be why for those small number of eunuchs that are Biblically exempted from marriage, (and obviously that does not include those that just happen to be single, or want to shirk their responsibility of a spouse and raising a family!) God has promised greater blessings. He knows what they are missing out on.
How ridiculous to paint singleness in the same light as marriage! What a nonsense that makes of God's brilliant creational plan!
Let's not tolerate these ungodly, ugly lies any more!

Boundless Does It Again...

Captain Sensible writes: So, Boundless has done it again. Or rather hasn't done it. Again!
The following comment was posted with no challenge from Ted Slater et al, thereby reinforcing the unbiblical and unhelpful idea that Christian men should be "waiting" for the Lord to bring them a wife:

"I am 32 and still waiting for the Lord to bring the right young lady my way."

It's not as if Ted Slater doesn't like the sound of his own "voice" in the comments section. He is quite free with his comments, corrections and clarifications on other subjects. But he never challenges any of the wrong thinking on singleness. And this on a blog supposed to "bring focus" to the single years!
Still, what do you expect from someone that describes John Piper as a "great speaker" and is always quick to defend Carolyn McCulley?

And The Band Played On...

Captain Sensible writes: I spent much of last week at the Christian Resources Exhibition, the largest Christian exhibition in the UK.

So many stands! Such an interesting programme of seminars!

Yet just one, poorly publicised, very low key talk on why men don't go to church, which I only found out about by accident.

Watching the greying heads of the visitors milling around the exhibition, examining a chair here, or a communion glass there, you really wouldn't think that in just around 20 years' time we are looking at a statistical projection of ZERO men in the UK church.

In fact, it seems to be a very well kept secret.

I managed to speak to one woman who was there to conduct "research" on the church. I asked her what she had discovered, expecting her to say something about the urgent need to look at why men don't go to church, how we really need to be focusing on men's outreach or (ever the optimist!) maybe something about the problem of singleness. "Oh, church leaders really need to delegate more", or something similarly inane was her main finding.

My mood wasn't lifted by talking to some single women that had just attended a speed dating session. I asked one of them if there were enough men there. No, the women had to each sit out a couple of turns as there weren't enough men to go round, she told me with a resigned smile and a shrug of the shoulders as if to say, ah well, that's just the way it is, there's nothing we can do about it...

Looking up at the impressive venue as I left, I was reminded of the orchestra on the Titanic, who were instructed to keep on playing as the ship sunk...

(And on that note, here is an interesting article I have found on that subject. There are some parallels here that we really ought to pay close attention to. Burying our head in the sand is only going to make us more blind...)

Christianity magazine and Mark Greene

Captain Sensible writes: I have a lot of respect for Mark Greene of the London Institute of Contemporary Christianity (LICC). Writing in the May issue of Christianity magazine, Mark treads on very controversial ground. He appears to be extolling the virtues of marriage and makes some excellent points, including an analysis of what marriage is for.
Here are a few extracts:

"The number of Britons choosing to marry has fallen to the lowest level in 111 years. Given that the number of people living in the UK 111 years ago was rather lower than the number of people Ken Livingston crams into a Jubilee Line tube at 8.35 in the morning, this is a remarkable statistic. And an alarming one, if you think that marriage is one of the building blocks of a healthy society.

"Eve is not just created to relieve Adam of existential loneliness. After all, Adam has direct relationship with God at the time and if God had merely wanted Adam to have relationship he could have created another male.

"When God says, 'it's not good for man to be alone', the context is vital. And the context is humankind's crucial role in the stewardship of the entire world and the creation of a community where human beings can flourish. The Garden in Eden is certainly beautiful but it's a context for work, not just the leisurely contemplation of the chrysanthemums. Human beings are responsible to God and have a responsibility for the whole created order. Relationship, then, is set in the context of a purposeful commission.

"And so it is that God brings Eve to Adam as an 'ezer cenegdo'...The Hebrew word 'ezer', meaning helper, however is not primarily used to describe psychological support but intervention in the active solving of a problem. Furthermore, this is not 'helper' in the contemporary English sense of someone who is essentially a subordinate and whose skills or effort might be nice to have but aren't necessary...No, the word 'ezer' in the Bible only elsewhere refers to God and most of the occasions when it is used...involve God saving human beings from impending disaster. The task cannot be achieved without him. The implication is that Adam's commission cannot be fulfilled without Eve -- it's a co-mission."

Greene goes on to illustrate that marriage is designed by God to "make the world a better place for human beings to flourish in", in addition to combating loneliness and procreating.
But then, in the penultimate paragraph, comes the killer line that renders all of his previous words null and void:

"Of course, single people can do the same, and do, as they participate in the same high calling to make the world a better place for others."

There is is then.
No need after all to worry about fewer marriages taking place now than 111 years ago! No need to view a spouse as an essential component in our co-mission to make the world a better place! No need, in fact, for the entire three page article!
Marriage is not important after all, apparently. Mark should apologise to his readers for wasting their time!
What is it with the church that they dare not, and will not, say outright that it is good for singles to pursue marriage? Is it a misguided attempt to be affirming and not offend single people? Or is it because they know that with the lack of men in our churches (and kudos to the LICC for holding an excellent debate entitled "Church is for Girls!" last night), they would have a lot of angry women on their hands, demanding that we take outreach to men more seriously?
Now isn't that a thought....

Great is the Lord!

Captain Sensible writes: I have had this song ringing around in my head all day today, so I thought I would post it here and share these powerful words! I think it is quite well know, so I hope you are familiar with the music.

Great is the Lord!

Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise
The city of our God, the holy place
The joy of the whole earth

Great is the Lord in whom we have the victory
He aids us against the enemy
We bow down on our knees

And Lord, we want to lift Your name on high
And Lord, we want to thank You
For the works You've done in our lives

And Lord, we trust in Your unfailing love
For You alone are God eternal
Throughout earth and heaven above

(Steve McEwan)

Prayer Suggestions In The Battle Against Singleness

Captain Sensible writes: Following on from my previous post, here are a few prayer suggestions:
1) Please pray that God will remove the scales from people's eyes over this issue. I can't stress too strongly how much I believe God wants us to pray that!
2) Pray that God will show us how to direct our action.
3) Please make sure you pray for protection on yourself and all others in the battle.

Day Of Prayer On Singleness Amongst Christians

Captain Sensible writes: Regardless of whatever action is taken, I know we would all agree that we need to be praying about this issue. My aim is for there to be a co-ordinated programme of prayer, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and I would be happy for this blog to be used in any way that would facilitate that!

But as a start, maybe we could all try to pray for 1 hour this Sunday, 20th May?

I also believe we must pray for protection -- against the spirit of singleness personally and against the dark forces that celebrate every time yet another Christian woman reaches the end of her child-bearing years still barren.

I believe we are on a serious spiritual battleground here. There are so many advantages to the enemy to keep the church preaching falsehoods on this issue that he is not going to give up without a fight.

So let's remember that God is IMMEASURABLY GREATER than any ploys of the enemy! But let's not be naive either.

So please can everyone who supports this defiance against the false teaching on singleness do their best to pray about this on Sunday. It's short notice, so if anyone can't make one hour, then even 10 minutes is important! And know that there are others praying too!

I have said before that Satan is having a party. So with the boldness and courage that God encouraged Joshua with (and even if the majority doing this are women, which is far from ideal!) let's officially declare - with the protection of the Lord Jesus Christ over us all - that that party is now OVER!

Rumblings Of A Revolution On Singleness...?

Captain Sensible writes: Hmm, rumblings of a revolution are appearing, and I have posted a comment from Sarah to that effect on this thread here. Debbie Maken has also mentioned that the time might be right for something along these lines.
However -- I find myself hesitating.
We do need to change tactics. I am coming to the conclusion that the blogosphere is fruitless. Too much rubbish being posted here, there and everywhere (well, I like to think not here exactly ;)), and it just sucks up vast resources of time and energy.
But is the time right for direct action or not?
My feeling at the moment is that this is very much a spiritual battle. I firmly believe God has revealed to me that we need to remove the scales from people's eyes (and I even heard "something like scales" falling to the ground en masse at the same time as I received this revelation!).
So to me, trying to persuade church leaders and others with words, is not going to help. (And personal experience seems to bear witness to this.)
The battle is in the spiritual realm and it's there where we need to focus our energies now, in my opinion.
My proposal would be to aim for 24-hour continual prayer about this issue (including in it that God will remove the scales from people's eyes and liberally using the Sword of the Spirit which is the Word!). Several of us live in different time zones, which will help. :) And even if we are unable to make it 24 hours exactly, drenching this issue in prayer is going to have an effect for certain.
It will also help wherever possible for people to gather in twos and threes and pray together weekly.
My concern is that if we weigh in with protests locally or whatever, without this prayer offensive, we are just going to get tired, disillusioned and demotivated, because no amount of reasoned argument can remove the spiritual blindness -- only Scripturally-seasoned prayer (and maybe fasting if anyone is so inclined).
Thoughts anyone? Anyone willing to commit to this, please email me at the address given on mine and Frieda's profile.
Thanks! And be encouraged! The battle is already won -- we just need everyone else to be aware of that fact!

"We are very comfortable with our platitudes of being 'pro-family', but ironically only for those actually in families."

Captain Sensible writes: I was reminded of Debbie's words here in these past few days while I have been at a Christian exhibition here in the UK. One of the stands was taken by an organisation calling themselves "Promoting Marriage". Sounds great! So one of my colleagues paid them a visit and asked what they were doing to promote marriage amongst singles. Oh, came the answer, we don't work with singles, we only work with married and engaged couples!
What a misnomer "Promoting Marriage" is! They do nothing of the sort! They appear to "protect" marriage -- good work in itself -- but they in no way "promote" marriage. That just isn't allowed in the church anyway! Never must a pastor say anything to encourage singles to get married! Tut tut - that just isn't polically correct these days. No, we have to affirm singleness -- while at the same time bleat platitudes about being "pro family" and how terribly our society denigrates marriage.
Ha!
Why is it that the church is willing to acknowledge that Satan dislikes Christian marriages, doesn't want to see Christian families with Godly children thriving, and will seek to destroy them if he possibly can, yet is unable to make the small leap in logic that tells us Satan will also try to prevent these marriages from happening, and these Godly children being born, in the first place?
It seems unbelievably dumb to me.
But then, God has revealed that scales need to be removed from people's eyes, which would explain their spiritual blindness.
Everyone in agreement needs to pray for these scales to be removed.
God is great, great, GREATER than any tactic of the enemy!
But the church isn't supporting us in prayer over this issue, so we as individuals MUST do it alone!
Of course, even one individual plus God makes a pretty powerful army. ;) Certainly greater than any legion of demons. But let's not allow that to make us complacent or lazy about the need for urgent prayer in this matter!

Misdirected Anger

Captain Sensible writes: I heard today of one woman who was so "bitter" and "angry" because of her protracted singleness, that she had stopped going to church and was directing her anger AT GOD.
Well done, church!
This is what we have done by glorifying singleness and making it seem like it is "God's will".
She is right to feel angry. But not at God. It's not God's doing.
It's ours.
Congratulations, everyone! We are now not only turning men away from God, we're also doing it to normal women who desire to be the wives and mothers God created them to be, and are told lies about what God's will for them is.
The Devil is having a party in hell...
He is not all-knowing like God, so I believe it's a surprise party.
Never could he have imagined that his trick of repackaging singleness as a "gift" would be so successful...
(Well, that's what I think anyway! I humbly stand corrected if I am wrong.)

Just Wondering...

Comment posted on Debbie Maken's blog:

"What is painfully obvious to me is that there are a lot of attractive, intelligent, serious in their faith, single women who are not even getting asked out on dates by believing men. (What makes this harder is that we are getting asked out by attractive, intelligent secular men.) "

Does this remind anyone else of the wedding banquet in the Bible, where the invited guests all make excuses, so the host sends his servant out to find people in the street to invite instead? Yes? No? Maybe it's just me...???
Are these "secular" men believers? (Even if they are not regular church-goers.)
If so, well what does the Bible say?
We mustn't be yoked with UN-believers, right?
Just raising the point...

More Wisdom on Singleness...(and this time it's NOT Debbie Maken!)

Captain Sensible writes: Gosh, wisdom on singleness and not written by Debbie Maken? Who'd have thought that would happen in our lifetime? (Although it has to be said that the phenomenon that is outlined here was identified first in Debbie's book as women "selling their fellowship for free" and Albert Mohler may have said something along these lines. Ok, Steve and Candice Watters possibly too, but I disregard them as any benefit from a posting on their blog is soon cancelled out by ridiculous comments that are irresponsibly left unchallenged.)
Here's a taster, and then you can read the entire thing here.

"I’m fed up with guys who are supposedly looking for a relationship that leads to marriage, but they don’t know how to get the job done. I'm more and more convinced that an untold number of Christian men are in this camp. They sign up for online services, mixers, speed dating events, singles groups – you name it – but when it comes to the nuts and bolts of practically pursuing marriage, they’re clueless. Or fearful. Or unrealistic. Or a combination thereof. Many of the men with whom I’ve spoken – and there’s been a legion – still operate within the “God will provide/I’ll just have a feeling/the Lord will point her out to me” framework. In the meantime, they’re getting older, odder and more removed from reality with each mouse click, movie night or 80s party. But they’re still there…ready for the next serial online relationship or opportunity to “hang out” indefinitely with whomever is available. And where does this leave the women? Glad you asked. We’re not blameless. We’re wasting precious time being pen pals and buddies with these guys, keeping them company in their lackluster, accountability-and-friendship-free lives and entertaining them with witty chit-chat, companionship and connection in hopes of it becoming something "more." When will it become so? When we're neighbors in the nursing home? When we're established in the New Jerusalem? Face it: we’re enabling them.

"(E)nough is enough. They won’t have access to me. They won’t get my emotional and intellectual capital. They won’t use up my time and energy."

Debbie Maken On Outreaching To Men

Is anyone getting the idea that Captain Sensible is rather supportive of Debbie Maken's views? I really can't think why anyone would come to that conclusion... ;)

"The other thing would be for young women to talk to their pastors about doing church outreach to men. It is not like we had some sort of war and there is an actual shortage of men. They are there, just currently unchurched. They need to return to the fold."

Frieda Fruitcake writes: Oh but Debbie, can't you understand it's just so much easier, and so much more fun for pastors' wives, to concentrate on Family Fun Days and children's plays! Most churches have a Men's Breakfast or something a few times a year, held at about 6am, and run by a stern-looking retired businessman. Surely that's enough to attract men in the world in their 20s and 30s, isn't it????
You just don't understand...
I mean, it's not like we want to (urgh!) get married or have godly children or anything!
And who cares if the Body of Christ is suffering in our culture due to a lack of masculine traits like leadership, boldness and courage?
It's quite obviously "God's will" that the church is made up of girls, girls, girls!
Praise the Lord for an all-female, ineffective and dying church!

Debbie Maken: Why Are You Still The Only One Speaking Sense About Singleness?

"We (the church) are very comfortable with our platitudes of being 'pro-family', but ironically only for those actually in families."
How true this is! How we as the church love to say we are "pro-family"! But are we pro singles getting married? Of course not! That wouldn't be affirming to singles, would it? And we all know that's not allowed!

"Paul said that he could “take a wife,” I Cor. 9:5, implying that it was something he could do when he wanted to. The timing issue was a controllable factor, unlike today."
Yes, good point, Debbie! Funny how Paul didn't say he could "wait on the Lord" for a wife, or "trust in God" for a wife... No, the taking was down to his pro-active chioce! (Which oddly enough fits in with the rest of the Bible, where God frequently tells us to get married and have kids, and then just expects us to get on with it!)

"Women are so vulnerable, and they are “made for the man.” (Gen., I Cor. 11). They know this instinctively, and I think their craving for marriage is not some sort of inferior relationship with God, but the essence of who they are made to be—a wife and mom."
B...b...b...but Debbie - are you actually saying here that women shouldn't be scolded about being discontent with singleness? That it's okay not to want to embrace lifelong, barren spinsterhood? How absolutely shocking! Quick! Somebody tell The Queen! She's the head of the Church of England. She must be told about this heretic and make sure Debbie Maken never returns to our shores!

"Lastly, the women need to encourage their pastors to read this book (Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness) so that its words and ideas can seep in, and these pastors can convey the right sentiments about singleness from the pulpit and not hurt yet another generation of Christian young adults."
Maybe when the next generation includes their own daughters, and they have to watch as her child-bearing years pass, and realise they won't have grandchildren, it will finally sink in? Oh, but so many seem to think it will never happen to their daughter! They seem perfectly content to put God to the test and presume He will work a miracle for their precious one. (And the rate things are going with regard to the growth in singleness and lack of men, I really don't think it's that much of an exaggeration to call it a miracle! Remember, in the UK church, we are looking at a statistical projection of ZERO men in the church in just 23 years' time. So for any church leader that has a female toddler now, this is a very serious and very personal matter. They need to do something quickly, or start preparing their little girl from now for the likelihood that marriage and children are probably not going to happen for her...)

Debbie Maken Interview! Do Yourself A Favour And Read Something Clear and Helpful For Once!

Captain Sensible writes: At last, something HELPFUL for once!
Debbie Maken's no-nonsense clarity is as refreshing as drops of rain on a parched land.
Read it - and then send the link to your pastor!

http://www.spiraluniverse.org/index.php?fcall=sffeature#debbie

The Boundless blog: Steve and Candice Watters - what do you think you are doing?

Captain Sensible writes: Ok, I think Boundless have finally reached the pits of irresponsibility.
They have now posted a comment by a Christian man saying that God will bring about the desires of our hearts (ie. marriage) through "no effort on our part".
Of course, we wouldn't expect Ted Slater to step in and challenge that -- he is after all just a male version of Carolyn McCulley, pre her new "both/and" stance.
But Steve and Candice Watters, do you not read your own blog?
I believe you care about this issue; you care about the wrong messages singles receive; and you have done some sterling work to encourage men to be more proactive.
So why do you allow your blog to reinforce wrong teaching?
I am washing my hands of Boundless.
I simply do not have the time to firefight continually, when you are the ones choosing to post unhelpful comments and leave them sitting there unchallenged; muddling and confusing people.
One day I believe we will all be held to account for our contribution to the blogosphere.
Every word we have written ourselves and every word we have provided a platform for and left unchallenged, will be examined. (And this is a wider warning than just Boundless of course.)
I firmly believe it's time to step up our level of personal responsibility with regard to blogs.
It's a new medium and we're all just learning as we go along.
But it's time to grow-up now.

Madeleine - we pray for your safety

The hunt for Madeleine continues...

Please note she has a distinctive "black flash" in her right eye, where her pupil runs into her iris.

As Moses pleaded with the Lord to not allow Himself to be slandered by the Egyptians, we plead with you, Father, to not allow people to mock the prayers that have been said for little Madeleine and her suffering family. Bring her to a place of safety, that Your name will be praised, not scorned.

The freedom TO marry and the freedom OF marriage

"When I got married I noticed something..I felt freer.
Since I had committed to a woman already I didn't have to be concerned with what other women thought. No more 'Is she interested? Should I go talk to her? What kind of person is she?' All that was gone and it was liberating. So instead of trying to get the attention of several women , I now had to concern myself about just one. It was and is a great freedom."
(Christian man on another blog)

Captain Sensible writes: It's something that doesn't get mentioned very often: the freedom that marriage brings. I remember being convicted of this a month or so ago, when I was deciding what to write in a wedding card to some friends. I can't remember what Bible passage I included in the card, but I know it was one relating to freedom. And I know that for certain because I remember thinking to myself how strange it was that such a passage should come to mind. We tend to think of marriage as curtailing certain freedoms, not releasing us. But I duly wrote the card, and this comment above reminded me of it.
Want to be free? Get married!

Prayers for Madeleine's safety

Madeleine McCann was taken from a holiday apartment in Portugal last week. Her aunt has created a poster for people to circulate by email, which can be downloaded here.

Have you seen Madeleine? Call Crimestoppers in the UK on: 0800 555 111

Viu esta menina? Por favor, telefone 282 76 29 30

And let's all pray for her safe return.

"Deceiving Spirits" that "Forbid People To Marry"

"The Spirit clearly says that in later times some will abandon the faith and follow deceiving spirits and things taught by demons. Such teachings come through hypocritical liars, whose consciences have been seared as with a hot iron. They forbid people to marry and order them to abstain from certain foods, which God created to be received with thanksgiving by those who believe and who know the truth. " (1 Timothy 4: 1-3)

Captain Sensible writes: Not generally a big fan of The Message translation (as least where marriage and singleness is concerned), I do think their translation of forbidding marriage is interesting: "They will tell you not to get married." Or how about The Living Translation -- again a terrible translation with regard to the passages dealing with singleness: "They will say it is wrong to be married."
It's weaker than fobidding it, isn't it?
But isn't it uncomfortably close to where we are at?
What are we to make of the recent sermon by John Piper, with his: "God promises those of you who remain single in Christ blessings that are better than the blessings of marriage and children... the truths about Christ and his kingdom (that) shine more clearly through singleness than through marriage and childrearing"?
If one thing is "better" than another, then isn't that the same as saying as you shouldn't be doing the thing which is not as good?
What also bothers me is John Piper doesn't compare like with like when he devalues marriage.
Piper says being single "in Christ" is better than the earthly marital relationship. Well even I would agree with that! But it's simply not comparing like with like. What if he were to compare being single "in Christ" (and not with any special leaning towards a gifting of celibacy or conviction to renounce marriage for the sake of the Kingdom), with being married "in Christ"? That would have been the fairer, more relevant comparison, surely: Being "circumstantially single in Christ" or "married in Christ".
Was this just a schoolboy error? From someone as esteemed as John Piper? I can't think of any other rational explanation.
I am also interested in this searing of the conscience business. The modern interpretation seems to be that the conscience becomes insensitive and allows teachers to get away with things that their conscience would otherwise have told them were wrong.
But according to this article, Luther took a different view, believing that: "the conscience is over-sensitive, as burned 'seared' skin would be to the touch, creating a sense of guilt over matters that are perfectly acceptable in God’s sight."
So is the conscience desensitised or over-sensitised? It is quite a critical distinction.
In any case, all this really begs the question, why would demons bother to forbid marriage?
What does that say about marriage that demons would take the trouble to want to forbid it? Especially when someone so highly respected as John Piper says that it is actually not as good as being single anyway?
Is it just me, or does NONE of this make any sense anymore???

Super-Stupid Quote Of The Day: #3

Captain Sensible writes: Oh how could I have missed this little gem yesterday when I was flicking through "Common Mistakes Singles Make" by Mary S Whelchel! What a prize comment it is!

"There are many advantages to the single lifestyle, and I think they outweigh the disadvantages."

Ms Whelchel (who, by the way, is a divorced mother of one daughter -- so let's just understand where she is coming from with regard to her "singleness"), then goes on to say:

"Whenever I start to feel sorry for myself because of some aspect of my single lifestyle -- like having no one to help me lug the bags of salt for the water softner to the basement or no one to go to dinner with me on a moment's notice -- I simply remind myself of how wonderful it is not to have to report to anyone concerning how I spend my discretionary time or money. How nice it is not to have to feel guilty if my schedule doesn't fit in with someone else's. How much time I save because I don't have the responsibilities of having to cook meals on a regular basis, and on and on.
"I'm quite certain my married friends, though they might not admit it, would love to have some of these luxuries of the single lifestyle again."

I love the attitude this reveals with regard to marriage, which apparently amounts to nothing more than having someone to lug bags of salt for you and enjoy spontaneous meals out with! Yes, of course. That is why God uses the illustration of marriage to describe His relationship with us. Never mind the mysteries of sacrificial love that transcend understanding! No, God wants us to view our relationship with Him as one of convenient, last minute dinner opportunities and occasional service activities!
And just look at the language here to describe the joining of two beings into one: It's about "report(ing)" to someone over "my" discretionary time and money, it's about "feel(ing) guilty" if "my" schedule doesn't "fit in" with someone else's, it's about "having to" do certain things. And apparently there is so much more too that is better about singleness! The benefits of the "wonderful" single lifestyle seemingly go "on and on"!
Where is the love that a married couple experience mentioned here? Where is the profound sharing of a deep and lasting bond to build a God-honouring life together? Where is the life-saving "helpmeet" that is described in Genesis? Where is the wonder of the marital relationship that offers a glimpse into that which exists between Christ and the church?
Apparently these things are not worthy of a mention! They simply pale into insignificance compared to the "luxuries of the single lifestyle"! No Christian writer or church leader would ever dare mention them. It's probably grounds for excommunication!
Why is THE CHURCH doing this to marriage?
And oh, how at the same time we like to talk about how our society devalues marriage!
Quite frankly, I think the likes of Hello and OK magazine are more like salt and light with regard to marriage than the church is!
Christian authors really must stop denigrating marriage and elevating singleness in this way.
And Christian women, if you don't like the single lifestyle being criticised, if you want to be affirmed in your singleness, then quit moaning that you are unhappy about being single, pick up your Carolyn McCulley book again and learn to be content!
Please try biting your tongue and seeing the bigger picture here.
Affiriming the state of singleness for those that can admittedly do little (not nothing -- little) about it, is also affirming the lifestyle of those that can do a lot about it, but simply choose not to.
You simply cannot have it both ways, and you are your own worst enemy when you bleat about not wanting to be made to feel like a "second-class"citizen of the Kingdom of God. (Like that is even in question anyway!)
Decide what you want and put up or shut up.

Super-Stupid Quote Of The Day: #2

Captain Sensible writes: Having just received a copy of "Common Mistakes Singes Make" by Mary S Whelchel, I just know I am going to have oodles of contenders for super-stupid quote of the day!
Let's start with this:

"Matchmaking can be disasterous in many ways. First, you can be meddling in God's business. You really have to think twice before you start to maneuver people because it looks like a 'good match' to you. If you think there are possibilities in a relationship, just pray about it a great deal. God is very capable of doing the maneuvering, and when He does it, it is always at the right time and in the right way."

Now let's imagine for a minute that we are not talking about matchmaking, but a job opportunity. We have heard of a job opportunity that sounds ideal for a person we know that is unemployed and keenly seeking just such a job. Would we be "meddling in God's business" if we told them about it? Would we have to really "think twice" before telling them that this opportunity exists? Should we just "pray about it a great deal" and trust that God is "very capable" of putting the job in that person's path? (Which of course He is, but how shameful of us not to try to physically help someone when it is within our capability to do so!)
It reminds me of the tale of a man that was distressed at a particular injustice and cried out to God: "Lord, why don't you do something?" to which the Lord replied: "I have done something. I made you."
We simply must stop super-spiritualising singleness in this way and making marriage so much harder to achieve than it need be.
And singles are not helping themselves either by their over-sensitivity and hunger for affirmations all the time!
Whaddya want?
To be told: "There, there. You're single and it's all good"? There's plenty of that around and look where it's got you! You're still single! Stop cutting your nose off to spite your face! Unless we challenge the idea that singleness is great, guess what? Things are not going to change! And since when do affirmations and platitudes keep you warm at night, hmmm? Hmmmm?
(Oh, and btw, isn't it encouraging to know that: "Mary Whelchel hosts the national radio broadcast 'The Christian Working Woman' heard on more than 500 radio stations. She has authored ten books including 'The Christian Working Woman' and 'What Would Jesus Think?' She is also director of women's ministries for the Moody Memorial Church in Chicago." Sigh!)

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Captiain Sensible writes: I just feel impacted at the moment by the strength of Joshua's words in chapter 24, verse 15:

"But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD."

Can anyone else feel the strength there?
The strength of a Goldly man, leading his household to serve the LORD?
Isn't that more powerful (in a "whole being greater than the sum of its parts"kind of way) than a bunch of singles trying to serve the Lord as individuals?
More powerful than saying: "But as for me and my four walls, I will serve the LORD."
No wonder demons will want to forbid marriage...

Has It Really Come To This?

Captain Sensible writes: Is it possible to denigrate marriage any more than John Piper has in the recent sermon which I have linked to below, without actually going so far as to forbid it? (A teaching that the Bible warns us is demonic, by the way!)
I have yet to listen to the sermon itself, so I intend to post again once I have had the opportunity to do so, but judging by the extracts on the "Desiring God" site, I am truly shocked!
What has the church come to that we are even having the discussions we are at the moment about singleness and marriage?
It pains me to write this it is just so blindingly obvious, but God's plan, God's revealed will and God's command, is for all but a few specific exceptions to marry and have children. There is an entire book dedicated to the joys of marital erotic love! God calls Himself a "Husband"; we are the "Bride" of Christ! We are told time and time again to marry and try to have the godly children the Lord desires!
Does God sound in any way ambivalent about marriage to you? Does it sound like He regards marriage as something that is a kind of second rate option for those wishy-washy followers of His that can't quite manage an totally "undivided devotion" to Him? It certainly doesn't to me!
It's also plain common sense. We are sexual beings with strong sexual urges! Women especially have a natural instinct to want children! We struggle with loneliness if we are single - regardless of the number of friends or "church family" we have! It's just the way God made us!
What's with the complication? What's with the agonising over whether we have this "gift" or that "gift"?
Quite honestly, I really can't even bring myself to argue this any further, it is just so unutterably stupid!
Oh, how I had to struggle to stop myself calling this post: "Is John Piper Mad, Bad or Merely Dangerous?"!
But honestly, I do despair at what the contemporary church is teaching these days (in case you couldn't tell!).

Single in Christ: A Name Better Than Sons and Daughters

Decision Time for Boundless?

Captain Sensible writes: It's not often that I use a comment from another blog as the subject of an entire post. But I think this comment from Emily on the Boundless blog warrants it.
She succinctly sums up the quandry that Boundless are in by trying to keep a foot in both the Debbie Maken and Carolyn McCulley camps.
It is just not possible.
As Emily says, "It is one thing to want to include the whole family of God, and it is another to prop-up unsound doctrine."
It appears that the editors of Boundless and Carolyn are friends, and that may be why they are reluctant to take a clear stand, despite their stated aim to "Bring focus to the single years".
But I think they need to ask themselves if their personal friendship is more important than sound doctrine; if it is worth continuing to muddle and confuse their readers for.
Who knows? Maybe they will be more of a friend to Carolyn if they did take a strong stance against the false "gift of singleness" doctine and the "You're single because it is God's will that you are" nonsense. It might even help Carolyn herself get married!
And if you look at it like that, it seems to me that Debbie Maken has actually been more of a true friend to Carolyn than anyone at Boundless...

"I am angry/frustrated with the doublespeak I find on this website (Boundless) regarding the Gift of Singleness. May I suggest the editors exercise some editorial discretion and decide where you are going to come down on this topic? Either you embrace the Debbie Maken camp, and what Candice has written on the subject, or you embrace the Carolyn McCulley camp. They are diametrically opposed. Are you are going to flatter the singles that read your website about “this special gifting” of singleness, or, to quote Alex Chediak, are you going to say “get married young man”? Embracing both views creates confusion, and I for one am not sure where you stand.
It is one thing to want to include the whole family of God, and it is another to prop-up unsound doctrine. As these two points of view are opposed, one of them is false. And as Debbie Maken points out, the Bible and thousands of years of history, are on the side of “get married young man”. "