Debbie Maken and Candice Watters

Captain Sensible writes: Anyone stuggling with wondering if marriage is God's will for them, or -- heaven forbid -- if God has given them the gift of singleness, you can stop it right now! Read Debbie Maken's "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness", and Candice Watters' "Get Married: What women can do to help it happen". (And don't forget the archives on this blog too...!)

"At this very moment it is obviously not God's will that I be married because I am not"

Captain Sensible writes: Just a reminder people, beliefs such as the above bear absolutely no relation to the Christian faith.
They may be comforting in a stupefying, mind-numbing way. But they are based on lies, not truth. So the source of such "theology" is not God, but the father of lies.
Have nothing to do with such thoughts.

David Murrow: If Jesus had intended women and children to be the primary focus of the church, He would have set up a women's circle and Sunday School

Captain Sensible writes: In anticipation of the David Murrow talks, I began flicking through his book, "Why men hate going to church" again.
So much good stuff in there, but he hits the nail squarely on the head with regard to the primary focus of the contemporary church being women and children.
I have had enough of churches behaving badly: Lazy church leaders, programme after programme of children's ministries (overseen usually by an overly-influential Pastor's wife) and cosy women's meetings to share their feelings (except of course if any of the women are single, in which case the married mothers come down very hard and scold them for discontentment).
How has the Christian faith come down to this? It's become a "living room" and "playroom" faith.
Here are a few extracts from Murrow's book:

"The great majority of ministry in Protestant churches is focused on children, next on women, and then, if there are any resources left, on men."

"It's important to reach young people with the good news, but today's kids-first church is a radical departure from Christianity's historical mission. Keep in mind that neither Sunday school nor youth ministry even existed two centuries ago. In those days, kids were loved, but they weren't the focus of church. Today they are."

"The McDonald's approach feels right to women because it lavishes ministry resources on her top priority: her children and grandchildren...Many studies have shown a sharp drop-off in church attendance as soon as kids leave the nest."

"What's wrong with the women-and-children-first focus of today's church? After all, men aren't very interested. Why should Christians knock themselves out to minister to men? Simple. Because Jesus did. Jesus did not focus His ministry on children, or women for that matter. Jesus' approach was men first...His example is clear: if we want to change the world, we must focus on men...Jesus knew that men play an indispensable role in His body. When men are absent or anemic, the body withers."

A withered body. Isn't that what this focus on women's and children's minstry has created? Isn't it time it stopped?

What Pastors won't tell single Christian women...

"Single men from ages 18 - 35 are the demographic group least likely to attend church."
("Why men hate going to church" David Murrow)

Can you have a "Creation Mandate" without a "Marriage Mandate"?

Captain Sensible writes: If the creation mandate is "Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it", then does that not include both a "marriage mandate" and "work mandate" (assuming you are fit and able and not any form of eunuch)?
Surely God requires mankind to marry, raise Godly families and partake in some form of work to manage His creation?
Once again, I am happy to be a marriage mandator (and a work mandator - but that part doesn't seem to attract any argument! Maybe because Paul warns us about a time when -- through the teachings of demons -- marriage is forbidden. But he doesn't warn us about a time when work is forbidden!).

"Ross Kemp in Afghanistan"

Captain Sensible writes: I have just been watching the remarkable TV documentary, Ross Kemp in Afghanistan.
We are rightly very proud of our armed forces in Britain, and watching this programme made me realise just how very brave, strong and courageous our soldiers really are. (And Ross Kemp too, come to that.)
In light of the forthcoming David Murrow talks, it again highlights how desperately the Body of Christ also needs an army of men.

David Murrow, author of "Why men hate going to church" in the UK!

If you are in the UK, don't miss this opportunity to hear David Murrow, author of "Why men hate going to church".
For more info, visit: Christian Events

"Not good" for man to be alone...

Captain Sensible writes: I think I may have written on this study before, but it doesn't hurt to provide a reminder that God is proved right, yet again!
A recent study involving almost 67,000 men and women in the United States, shows that single men are significantly more likely to die early than those who marry.
Academics found that men who were bachelors between the ages of 19 and 44 were 58 per cent more likely to die up to the age of 50 than their peers who were married and living with their spouse.
What I find particularly interesting is that common sense "risky" behaviours could not entirely explain the differences.
Rather, it actually seems to boil down to aloneness...
Prof Robert Kaplan, whose findings are published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, said remaining single was linked with "more severe isolation".
"Having never married may be associated with more severe isolation because it is associated with greater isolation from children and other family members.
"Accumulated evidence suggests that social isolation increases the risk of premature death," he added. "Marriage is a rough proxy for social connectedness."
Pity the poor, lonely bachelor, living in fear of commitment in favour of "keeping his options open" for decade after decade, and being lied to by Christians who tell him that, contrary to the Biblical command to be fruitful and multiply, he is living a fine and Godly life by remaining single throughout his 20s, 30s, 40s and then, ooops, he drops down dead from loneliness...

"Don't worry about failing, worry about what you're going to tell God if you don't even try! "

Captain Sensible writes: I like the above, which comes from the Word For Today (for tomorrow!).
Fear of failure is so debilitating and destructive.
So stop it! ;-)
And go for it, instead! :-)

Single Christian Women Must Evangelise For Their Husbands

Captain Sensible writes: Just a reminder, ladies (and this is for those of you aged 25 upwards, primarily!).
No one else in church will tell you this, but I will (and I am ready to meet my Maker over it).

Facts:
* There are not enough single men in the church to go around.
* Churches are only interested in unchallenging women's and children's ministries, so they are not even trying to address this imbalance (which has huge implications, and not just for single women that rightly desire marriage!).
* You don't need to further "prepare" to be married.
* You don't need to battle for contentment with singleness.
* You are not "making an idol" out of marriage (Hint: It's the way God designed women).
* You don't need to feel bad because you need to make a living and so have a job/career (yes, idiots on US singles websites are actually spouting a lot of nonsense about this).

What you do need to do is look outside of church to meet a man to marry. There is no more time to waste, if you are 25+.
Contrary to popular belief, there is nothing wrong with you. (I'm not saying you're perfect! We are all in the process of conforming to the likeness of Christ. But I would say it was highly unlikely that the reason you are unmarried is because you have oh so much more work to do on yourself! Don't let yourself be put down like that any more. Single Christian women have suffered enough abuse, and it has to end here and end now.)
So look outside church, for a man to marry, and do it without delay.
There is no more time to waste "waiting on the Lord" when actually, the reality is that the Lord is waiting on us to get our churches straight, and align us to His design for marriage as set out in the Bible.
I am sick and tired of seeing women despairing over their singleness.
There is no need for it.
Find a good man in the world to love, help and encourage and let your life be an example to him and the world.
It can be brutal out there - but not as brutal as lifelong singleness, so be "bold and very courageous"!

Benefits to the devil (the "destroyer") of Christian singleness

New additions to this post have been made!

(This is of course distinct from a purposeful decision to renounce marriage for dedicated celibate service that would be incompatible with a spouse and family, or those that are physically or mentally unable to marry. By the way, sorry, but I do not believe this includes single women who, because of the male/female ratio in church, have not been able to marry!)

Barren singleness is in direct contrast to the creation mandate to be fruitful and multiply – what could be more demonic?

God uses the analogy of marriage and family relations to describe His relationship with us. Again, what could be more demonic than the direct opposite of this?

Frequently throughout the Bible the example of “bride and bridegroom” is used to illustrate well-being, joy and blessings. Contrast that with the curse of “maidens having no wedding song” and barrenness.

More married people serve in church than singles (29% of married people served in the church in past seven days, as compared to 14% of never married people – Barna 2003, as shown in Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).

Most singles, far from having an undivided devotion to the Lord, do not spend their free time in ways that are distinguishable from singles in the world (Candice Watters’ “Get Married”).

Sexual sin, including pornography addiction.

Single Christian women and men being unfruitful, and bad stewards not only of their bodies, but their lives. Single women become depressed; single men become increasingly selfish and obsessive over their hobbies.

Instead of looking outwards and finding a believer in the world to marry, and getting on with being salt and light, single Christian women are made to feel sinful and expend vast amounts of time and energy in the useless battle to “be content” with singleness, fearful that they are “making an idol” out of marriage, and agonising whether they have been given the “gift of singleness”.

God is woefully misrepresented whenever anyone tells a single woman that singleness -- however long it lasts and even if it means barrenness -- is "God's will" for them. This can have the effect of making single women angry at God, instead of the false teaching that is at the heart of it, and so some women may struggle with disbelief in a God whose "will" seems so contrary to His design. They may even wonder if they are a "real" Christian, because they are not joyously content all the time (so misrepresented has the Christian faith become), and so they conclude they are not "spiritual" enough, are far too "worldly" and may even doubt their salvation, causing them to turn away from God.

It is obvious to the world that it is harder for a single Christian woman over the age of 30 to get a date from a Christian man (never mind get married!), than it would be for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle! (This is despite the fact that Christian women who come into contact with men generally are frequently asked out, but they always refuse if he is not a church-attending Christian!) Women in the world understand their need for a spouse, and so becoming a Christian can be perceived as having to renounce marriage and embrace childless singleness. Marriage and family now apparently belong to the world of darkness? (For more info on this, see the comments!)

One of the reasons single Christian men can't/won't outreach to men may be because to men in the world, these ageing, celibate, virgins are not seen as "salt and light" with a lifestyle to emulate, but rather as probably homosexual but being "hypocritical" Christians, most likely in denial about it.

Continual "mini-marriages" which end in "mini divorces" take their toll over the years, damaging hearts and distracting single Christians from leading a settled, mature and responsible life. This is especially so when the business of "finding a mate" goes far beyond the limited season it is designed for, and extends for many years - decades even - into adulthood instead.

By making women feel like it is sinful to desire a Godly husband, church leaders are not being challenged by anyone on their shameful fear of outreaching to men. The church is gradually having the masculinity removed from it, by the destroyer, and nobody is batting an eyelid. Although of course the Body of Christ as a whole is weakened by this, the people most directly affected from within the Body (aside, I mean, from the men in the world that are being criminally neglected!) are the single Christian women, and they are effectively being shut-up by false theology!

The church of the future may be distracted by looking after the aging singles that have little or no family to care for them, taking time, energy and money away from the fulfilment of the Great Commission

A lack of Godly children populating the earth, particularly in the richer nations.

Women tempted into marrying unbelievers (note I say “unbelievers” which I take to mean atheists or men of other faiths. This does not mean “non church-goers"!).

A gradual dishonouring of marriage has crept into the church, delighting the destroyer. Because single women are feeling increasingly distressed in their plight, they are being tempted to dishonour marriage, just to make them themselves feel better. "It's better to be single than to wish you were!" is just one of several common platitudes that are innocently bleated out. But how innocent is it really, and what excuse do married people have for saying it? Marriage is honourable and should be held in high esteem by everyone, single and married alike. The destroyer is delighted every time someone dishonours marriage, chipping away at God's good plan.

(Please note, this was a quick list that I felt was necessary to post. It may be revised and refined in the future! Particularly if the Lord reveals any other benefits to the devil that may have been omitted at this stage!)

Candice Watters: "Get Married: What women can do to help it happen"

Captain Sensible writes: This book arrived this morning - miraculously quickly as it happens! Usually books like this take about three weeks to arrive on this side of the Atlantic. This took about three days!
Anyway, I am sure it will be a good read, and having read the first few pages, I am encouraged, and I will no doubt be posting on it again.
However, it got off to a very, very bad start.
In the acknowledgements, Watters thanks (amongst others, and admittedly in last place), the queen of the damaging books on Christian singleness, Carolyn McCulley.
Yes, the same Carolyn McCulley whose (publicly unrepentant) views have done so much harm to the Body of Christ, and caused endless Christian women to agonise over whether or not they have the "gift of singleness", and if by desiring marriage they are "making an idol" out of it, and encouraged them to spiritually beat themselves up with an on-going struggle to "be content" with a state that God Himself said was "not good".
The same Carolyn McCulley that has now embarked on a new campaign against "feminism", even though McCulley is in fact probably the most extreme feminist on earth! Not many women, even the most apparently driven "career woman" in the secular world, would say that they don't need a man!
Given that the early signs of the Watters book are encouraging, and appear to completely oppose everything that McCulley has ever stood for, I wonder what exactly she has to thank McCulley about? For the harm that she has done, so that Watters is able to fulfil a lifetime ambition to write a book in an attempt to put it right? No, I believe Watters to be more sincere than that, and I await with interest to see if McCulley is quoted at all.
It appears to boil down to a personal friendship and maybe Watters didn't want McCulley to feel bad.
Such misguided compassion. I fear that such a thank you in the acknowledgements will only confuse single Christian women further. Maybe they have read McCulley's book, and they then read Watters' book, which proposes a completely different standpoint, but also pays tribute to McCulley, thereby apparently simultaneously endorsing her contradictory views, all in the same breath?
Anyone remember the American comedy series Soap?
"Confused? You will be!"

Women Content with the Gift of Singleness - Simply Brilliant!

The following quote from A.N.Other blog (which is in quote marks within a comment, so the writer was not being serious!) could have come straight from the mouth of Caroly..., sorry, Frieda Fruitcake:

"See, I'm fulfilled. I'm in a book club. Really, I'm content. Except when I cry at night. Or have to face the office Christmas party. Or hold someone else's child and think of the children I will most likely never have. But I'm fine. I have peace."

"Marriage in and of itself is not wrong"

From a comment left on A.N.Other blog

Captain Sensible writes: What does this extract from a comment say about contemporary Christianity that someone felt the need to say this in the first place?

"Hope 2008" - Hopelessly misguided?

Captain Sensible writes: Within Christian circles in the UK, something called "Hope 2008" has been receiving a lot of publicity. It's being billed as a big opportunity for outreach. Yet just a cursory glance at the website, fills me with despair, not hope!
Women! Children! Youth! The Elderly!
What is there that will appeal to MEN? Not much, is the dismal answer.
Just look at the publicity that churches in Bristol are sending out (Click here and then there is a link to a PDF via the words "check out"). It's incredible. The main image is in soft focus, and shows a woman holding a small plant. There then follows a list of courses and activities for, well what do you know? Almost exclusively women, children, youth and the elderly. And this is being flagged up as an exemplary model?
How many men are going to be drawn to a leaflet that shows a woman in soft focus holding a plant?
What genius thought that was a good idea?
Seriously, why is it that the church has decided to ignore men? Is it a spirit of fear? Laziness? Cowardice? What? Did the early church busy themselves with family fun days, women's meetings and children's ministries, and ignore outreach to men? Can you imagine the Apostle Paul saying that what the Body of Christ really needs is a bouncy castle? Didn't he emphasise outreach to fathers instead, and then expect the fathers to lead their whole household?
Albert Einstein famously said that the definition of insanity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Since 1980, there has been a drop of around 50% in men in their 20s (Christian Research). Carry on as we are, and soon there won't be any men left to outreach to other men anyway.
Perhaps the best "hope" for the Body of Christ in the UK is to abandon "the church" completely? Is it possible to keep your sanity if you don't?

"Less than one per cent of the 26 million men in the UK attend church regularly"

Carl Beech, national director of Christian Vision for Men.

Captain Sensible writes: Please, please, please, do NOT be intimidated by your church leader! If he (or she - but I would hesitate to even recommend anyone staying in a church run by a woman!) insists on neglecting to outreach to men in favour of women's and children's ministries -- well, frankly they deserve to be sacked. And they certainly shouldn't be receiving any more of your tithes to further squander.

2008: A year of anger, rebuke and rebellion?

Captain Sensible writes: It doesn't sound very "Christlike" does it? Pronouncing a year of anger, rebuke and rebellion. Well, think again. Jesus didn't come to earth as some "meek and mild" hippy that contemporary Christianity feels safe with. It's time to put away such childish things. As Paul Coughlin writes in No More Christian Nice Guy: When Being Nice--Instead of Good--Hurts Men, Women And Children, Jesus wasn't "nice", He was/is "good".
We should all stop trying to be nice and instead embrace being good. And, as Jesus and people throughout the Bible show, that sometimes means getting angry, rebuking bad or cowardly behaviour and rebelling against the comfortable, cosy, status quo.
I like this passage on Amazon from a review of the Coughlin book:
'It's the author's contention that male believers have fallen prey to passivity, and also follow an emasculated parody of Christ. His strong face-offs against the Pharisees and other confrontational moments are ignored. Instead, today's "gentle Jesus" kind of man shows no emotion and has no backbone. Many believe that it's better to be a "Christian Nice Guy" (CNG) for the sake of "harmonious fellowship." Rebuke is labeled as "unloving," so people are allowed to continue along harmful paths without needed correction. Risks are avoided in favor of "praying about it first," so crucial ministries go unfilled. And Christian men seeking to be equally yoked are labeled as "predators" by sisters who consider dating a swear word.'
Be prepared to be unpopular at your church in 2008. Be prepared to be rebellious. Be prepared to receive erroneous contentment lectures. Be prepared to be treated worse by other Christians than you would be in the world. Be prepared to "do church" in a different way, if need be. Be prepared to have one or two allies only at best. Be prepared to be a target for the enemy (so be careful about embarking on this unless you are strong in your faith, steadfast in your commitment to the Lord, and disciplined in your expression of it in terms of regular prayer times and Bible reading!) Then choose to be part of a global movement for change in 2008!
Exciting, isn't it? (And maybe you felt sad at the turn of the year, believing in your heart that the new year would probably just bring the same old, same old... Ha! That's what the enemy wants you to believe! Think again, my friends, think again!)

Happy 2008 - London style!

The London fireworks

"There can be miracles, when you believe"

Captain Sensible writes: For anyone who feels like they need a miracle, X-Factor winner -- the lovely Leon Jackson -- sings the winner's song beautifully.
There can be miracles, when you believe.
Not putting your faith in yourself, as the song seems to imply, but in our infinitely greater, loving Father.
Never give-up believing, never give-up praying, never give-up trusting, and when the situation seems hopeless, never give-up on a miracle.

X-Factor winner Leon Jackson