"I want to get married"

Captain Sensible writes: Do you find it hard to say those words? Do you think wanting a wife or a husband is something to be embarrassed or ashamed about? Do you think other people will look down on you because of it, thinking you are "worldly" or just maybe a little bit "uncool"? Do you think God will feel that you are not putting Him first, because you are seeking to follow His plan for creation? Do you think it's wrong to want sex? Do you think it's wrong to want children?
If you said yes to any of the above, get down on your knees and repent immediately!
You are following our culture and a vast array of misguided Christian singleness pundits, instead of Scripture.
Try saying these words aloud: "I want to get married". Again: "I want to get married". In front of the mirror: "I want to get married". Say it at least 10 times a day! ;-)
There, now hadn't you better do something practical about it? (I am assuming that you will be praying too of course!)
And ladies, I know there aren't enough men in "church" circles. You need to harass your church leader into seeing sense and organise a men's outreach ministry without further delay. Things have been allowed to slide too long already. Warn him that you are going to send Gordon Ramsay round to sort this mess out if he doesn't! ;-) So in addition to Christian social events, you must also begin to look for a man in the world that believes in God (so you are not potentially yoking yourself with an unbeliever!) but has been alienated by our culture's perception of "church" and encourage him yourself!
Meanwhile, in conjunction with making these changes, remember to be content in the Lord. This doesn't mean having to force yourself to be content with a situation (singleness) that is contrary to His Biblical instruction for all but a very few (marriage). It does mean taking positive action along with your prayers for a husband or wife, and when you are doing all that you possibly can, try to find a place of peace through trust in our Father that His will will be done.
I was struck by the passage in Daniel recently, where his friends are faced with bowing down to an idol, or being thrown into a fiery furnace. Their attitude is a remarkable one: "If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up." (Daniel 3: 17-18)
We are not faced with the prospect that Daniel's friends were, whereby there was nothing they could do themselves! There are thing we can do, and places we can go, in order to be a co-worker with God for marriage - as we do with regard to employment, for example.
Does this guarantee a wife or husband? No, it means that we rest assured that God will bless our search because it is His will. But "if not", or if it takes longer and is more painful that we would wish, we must still trust that God is good, and is working everything for the good.
But let's make the changes that need to be made too please, people!
Reminder: 1) Outreach to men. 2) Unashamed to admit we want marriage. (Incredible, isn't it, that Christians feel this embarrassment in the first place!)
And for number 2, I highly recommend Debbie Maken's "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness". The men that have read it and take the message on board, soon end up married. The women that read it are blessed by the assurance that marriage is God's will and it is our culture and the wrong teaching in our churches today that are causing this protracted singleness. Something that we must work to change.
My prayer for everyone reading this is: May your search be fruitful, in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.

Ramsay's Church Nightmares!

Captain Sensible writes: Does anyone watch Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares? Basically, the leading chef, Gordon Ramsay, goes into failing restaurants and tries to put right the things that are wrong. And boy are they wrong! Last night's episode saw a head chef basically serving food that could give people food poisoning, if not actually kill them. The restaurant was losing £5,000 a week, and the new owner would soon be bankrupt if things didn't change. The kitchen was so filthy that Ramsay had to have it immediately condemned.
Nice.
What was interesting to me was how angry Gordon Ramsay became talking to the chef in charge, and to a degree, the owner. To say he was hopping mad is not an exaggeration. He literally jumps up and down when he is particularly passionate about something. It's really quite endearing!
But let's imagine for one moment that Ramsay was dealing with Christians in that restaurant. Very likely, they would not be so worried about the state of the kitchen. No, what would really disturb them would be Ramsay's anger. Maybe they would tell him that being angry was a sin? Perhaps he needs to learn to be content when faced with life-threatening kitchens? They might even try and stop him making any changes, and instead advise him to pray about the situation. Of course, what would really bother them the most would be his swearing. Life-threatening kitchens? Fine, no problem for Christians! The use of the f-word? Completely and utterly unacceptable!
Hopefully, they would not be left standing after saying any of these things to Gordon Ramsay.
I wonder if Channel 4 would consider commissioning a spin-off series: Ramsay's Church Nightmares?
It's just what the church in this country needs.

Unequally yoked with unbelievers

Captain Sensible writes: I received the following comment from Celia, and I think it is so important that I would like to address it as a post. I am not saying that I have the definitive answer, but I would like it to be something for consideration.

"Captain, I suppose what puts us girls off finding 'men in the world' to encourage them in their faith is the whole thing of not being unequally yoked with unbelievers.
For my part, I'm so into Church and God, I have a hard time imagining any real common ground anyway with a worldly man not into his faith."

I think the crux of the matter is a) What does the Bible say? b) How should we understand that? c) Are we adding more to the Bible than what is there? d) What is a Biblical instruction and what is our own personal preference? e) How do we apply all this in our lives?

So to begin at the beginning, here's that passage (2 Corinthians 6: 14-18) in the King James Version:

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
And what concord hath Christ with Belial? or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel?
And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? for ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people.
Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.
And will be a Father unto you, and ye shall be my sons and daughters, saith the Lord Almighty."

So we can see here there is a very clear distinction between what is good and what is bad. There is no room for shading. Either someone is a believer (good!) or they are not (bad!).
Okay, so what is a "believer"? I think a believer is one who believes in God (the God of the Bible) and who believes that Jesus died so that we may be reconciled to God through atonement for our sins, and that He is alive today at the right hand of God.
Now, how do we apply this?
Let's be honest, there are a lot of men in the world that would fit this category of believer. They believe in God, they pray and they would probably identify themselves as a Christian, or "Church of England". They may not understand the term "atonement" and they may have a wrong impression altogether of Jesus as some meek and mild hippy. But at least the basic conditions for a Biblical marriage could well be met with just the smallest of encouragement.
Of course, it is every Christian woman's preference to meet a man who is mature in his faith already. But we have to face the reality that most are unlikely to find such a man. If he was brought up a Christian, he would probably have married very young (early 20s). If he has reached even his mid-late 20s without finding a wife, the chances are he has some personal issues that are not being dealt with.
And as the church has stopped outreaching to men in favour of women and children's ministries, there are very few men that come into the church in adulthood.
Given that most churches are failing in this area, and combine it with what I believe is a duty to marry, we have the answer to both problems at our fingertips. Women need to date men from outside the church that fit the minimum criteria of believer. (So I am not talking about even dating, never mind marrying, a man of another faith, or of no faith.) Using wisdom and discernment, she will soon see if there is marriage potential there, and she can do a lot to encourage him, whilst also constantly keeping him and her actions in prayer, and preferably with an accountability partner too.
One word of caution that has recently come to light (this whole theory is an evolving one): A man in the world may be a believer and so a suitable candidate for dating and then possibly marriage, but if he has reached around his mid-30s without marrying, then the chances are he has a problem, most likely to do with commitment. This is not to rule him out, but you would need to be prepared to discover if he is also marriage-minded. Strange though it sounds, through observation I consider that a man who is divorced is in many ways a better proposition for marriage than one who has never married and is 35+. This does not fit the fairytale, but we are dealing with reality, right? The reason for his divorce may be due to his ex-wife's infidelity or desertion.
You will have a lot to discover should you embark on this path, and the route to marriage is a very rocky one in this day and age. But it is worth the spiritual, emotional, physical and financial investment as nothing on earth can compare to marriage. And that's not what I am saying, but what I believe the Bible says.
So - hopefully there is food for thought here?
I just would like to encourage consideration on this issue, rather than the blanket: "If he's not a church-attending, Scripture-quoting, tongue-speaking man, who is on fire for the Lord, don't even date him!"
It grieves me no end when church leaders say things like this to women (and the women agree because of course that's what they want anyway!), but then they refuse to lift a finger to do the work to find and encourage these men themselves.
That's why it now falls on the women themselves to do this work, if they desire a Godly husband. Besides, it is the duty of every Christian to outreach. Our churches seem to prefer this to focus on the women and especially the children. The single Christian women must then focus on the men.

Why are older Christian men less marriage-minded than men in the world?

Captain Sensible writes: Just some random thoughts here that may or may not have any basis in the truth - it's only working through a subject for consideration.
It was sparked by this comment that I received recently from an Assistant Pastor: "I know about six or seven single Christian guys well, but I have to be honest that most of them do not seem to be anxious to get married for some reason."
Now I don't know the ages of the men concerned, but I get the impression he is talking about mid-20s guys onwards.
I do think younger Christian men are marriage-minded. But something happens to them as they get older. What it is? It can't be just the direct influence of the enemy, because that would also apply earlier in life. Why is it that single Christian men seem to be able to live for years, even decades, into adulthood following sexual maturity and not feel the need for a woman in their life?
Men in the world may also delay marriage, but they have lots of "mini-marriages" ie. they have girlfriends, they have sex with them, they even live with them. (They also end up having lots of "mini divorces" when they then eventally split up!) But actually, a lot of them then find that is ultimately unsatisfying and they do end up marrying. Not so for many Christian men, who you'd have thought were more keen to marry given that they are apparently living a chaste life. Why it that?
I think the answer is this: We are bombarded daily with pornographic, or near pornographic, images. A man may be watching an innocent wildlife or sports programme. Up come the adverts and it's for a perfume and there is a beautiful and seductive, near naked woman suddenly before their very eyes. A man may go into the kitchen at work. There is a newspaper lying on the table and, low and behold, there is another near naked woman in front of them. You get the idea, and I do think it's probably a daily occurrence (and this is aside from any deliberate attempt to view this stuff).
Now here's the difference between the Christian man and the worldly man. The worldy man is also exposed to the reality of a naked or near naked woman. They have sex with real women, after all. The single Christian man doesn't (okay, most Christian men don't) have real sex. So for him, his sexual drive is only fired by these unreal images. Therefore, when he meets normal-looking, more modest Christian women, he is actually ceasing to find them attractive. And of course, the longer this goes on, the more reinforced this becomes. And then when the pressure gets too much, and they have a computer in their bedroom, with no one looking over their shoulder...
Another issue comes into play here. I think it is natural for men to be a little commitment phobic. That's why in previous generations, men got married younger and in higher number than they do today, because of the pressure on them from society, the church, and parental influence. They knew that remaining a bachelor for too long was weird and that they would be viewed strangely by society (and probably nagged by their mother!). Today, we have lost that pressure. It is remarkable to me that men in the world however still do get married at all. They can have sex, they can have a woman to ease their loneliness, and still they choose to commit to marriage. I think that's because deep down they are hard-wired to want marriage as much as women, despite the effects of the fall, and find these constant mini-marriages ultimately unsatisfactory. They may also come under pressure from their "partner" to commit at some point otherwise she'll be off! Of course, with the divorce rate such as it is, unless they take their marriage vows seriously, it is probably not a great deal different for them if they do marry - they know they still have an opt-out clause! Not so the Christian man. And nowadays with the church no longer exerting any pressure on them to get married either, they see no reason to do it. Their sex drive has become so warped over time, they possibly view marriage as having a stifling effect on their sexuality, rather than the God-ordained outlet.
Going back to the Assistant Pastor that told me about the single men he knew that were not anxious to get married, he also appeared to believe that it wasn't his job to encourage them to seek a wife. Instead he tells them to "seek first the Kingdom". Which apparently means doing just about anything but making finding a wife a priority! It reminds me of Debbie Maken's point that we see Kingdom expansion now coming about through evangelism alone, and not by the raising of Godly children and being fruitful with our stewardship of our bodies. And as for the creation mandate, well, it appears that, along with all the other exhortations to get married, is not on the curriculum of Bible colleges! (I think a possible reason for this is that it never needed much teaching. It was normal for men and women to get married in their youth, and not much needed to be said about it. Not so nowadays, but if there is any teaching on this subject at all, it is probably of the "gift of singleness" variety and does more harm than good!)
Again I say, this leaves single Christian women with a double whammy. There are not enough single men to go around, and the few that there are available, are the least marriage-minded of all men!
That's why I say single Christian women must look for marriage-minded believers in the world that they can then encourage in their faith, as another avenue for marriage. It's not an either/or proposition, but an essential both/and!

How do you know if you have the gift of singleness?

Captain Sensible writes: It's easy. You don't. There is no such thing in the Bible. (Barring a couple of modern paraphrases that misinterpret one or two passages.)
If you are wondering if you have the gift of singleness, please stop right now.
You don't. It is God's will that you marry.

"No More Christian Nice Guy" by Paul Coughlin

Captain Sensible writes: Don't be "nice" be "good"!
Essential viewing for every Christian. (And essential reading, I'm sure, but I haven't read the book yet!) If I had the transcription of this interview I would post it, it is SO important, especially during the present times when Jesus is portrayed as some meek and mild hippy (yep, I'm talking about from within the church), and any conflict is seen as bad, bad, bad. (Here's a clue - it's not! Avoiding conflict means condoning wrongs. Since when did that creep into our New Christianity!) It also links in with my recent post on passive aggression.

No more Christian nice guy

Congratulations to the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh!

We salute you on your Diamond Wedding Anniversary!

Banish all-white wedding gowns!

Frieda Fruitcake writes: Having not long returned from my latest gift of singleness-honouring retreat, I am now confident that there is no marriage idolatry left in me. Praise the Lord! How dangerously close I came to desiring marriage a fraction more than I desire to keep the gift of singleness!
But the enemy is like a prowling lion! Just today my eyes unwittingly glanced into the window of a bridal shop. I immediately averted my gaze, but God works everything for the good, so out of my one quick sinful glance, I believe the Lord has placed a burden on my heart to start a petition to make wedding dresses feature a black and white colour scheme, instead of the traditional all-white.
As we all know, singleness is a gift and marriage is a gift, and they are both completely equal, and you just have to wait and see which one God has planned for you.
So I think a more appropriate style of bridal gown would consist of a black and white design. That way, should a woman be "called" to marriage, the white can represent the celebration of the gift of marriage, and the black can represent the appropriate mourning of the loss of the very equal gift of singleness.
Now I happen to know there are some talented ladies that read this blog who have the gift of needlework! So I would like to throw this blog open to all you lovely ladies (and last remaining brother - we wouldn't want you to ever feel alienated by any Christian activity!), and ask you to send me your new wedding gown designs, featuring black areas in an equal proportion to the white.
I will be strict about these proportions, by the way. Too much white will be a sign that you are subconsciously making an idol out marriage, so you will need to immediately repent, and then I recommend following in Frieda's footsteps and getting your sorry soul off to a retreat immmediately.
I look forward to viewing all your designs!
Stay blessed - stay single! (That's my new strapline, inspired by my latest retreat. I hope you like it!)

Is it possible....

...to find a church that is serious about the need to fish for men, and supports marriage (yes, even for those that are not already married!)?
Can anyone recommend one? Anywhere???

Anger and grief over the hardness of religious leaders' hearts? Yes, it is Biblical!!

And he entered again into the synagogue; and there was a man there which had a withered hand.
And they watched him, whether he would heal him on the sabbath day; that they might accuse him.
And he saith unto the man which had the withered hand, Stand forth.
And he saith unto them, Is it lawful to do good on the sabbath days, or to do evil? to save life, or to kill? But they held their peace.
And when he had looked round about on them with anger, being grieved for the hardness of their hearts, he saith unto the man, Stretch forth thine hand. And he stretched it out: and his hand was restored whole as the other.
And the Pharisees went forth, and straightway took counsel with the Herodians against him, how they might destroy him.
(Mark 3: 1-6 KJV)

Are Christian men particularly prone to "Passive Aggressive" personalities?

Captain Sensible writes: Have just started looking into this subject, and I do believe there may be something in it, which is particularly affecting Christian men.
There is a lot of information about this personality disorder on the internet (obviously care needs to be taken when assimilating this!), but in essence it seems to be displayed as an outwardly passive "nice guy" facade, with an aggressive behaviour pattern underneath. The passive aggressive will not admit to this, but rather vent his anger by causing verbal damage and emotional trauma to the woman he is in a relationship with, while all the while on the outside appearing to be a compassionate individual. When the woman is a Christian, and very willing to love and nurture, she is particularly susceptible to charges that the problems in the relationship are all her fault, particularly in our current climate where women are encouraged to minutely examine their own behaviour and not assess whether the man's behaviour is actually reasonable or not.
Two Christian women I know have been trying to deal with a passive aggressive man, and one is currently going through a marital separation.
This is a subject I may well return to, but it strikes me that Christian men in particular have a problem with this due to the way we have turned Jesus into some meek and mild hippy, with the passages where Jesus expressed His anger blotted out in the same way that we blot out the passages that tell Christians they should marry. Combine that outward anger suppression and current climate of "men are never to blame", with the notion that Christian women have so much work to do on themselves before they can possibly be a good wife...and you have a pretty noxious concoction.

"Single men are significantly more likely to die early than those who marry"

Captain Sensible writes: Having had an encounter today with a (married) deputy church leader who appears terrified to even suggest to single Christian men that they might want to think about finding a wife, I was interested to stumble upon this artice: Death can come early for 'toxic bachelors'.
Apparently "academics found that men who were bachelors between the ages of 19 and 44 were 58 per cent more likely to die up to the age of 50 than their peers who were married and living with their spouse."
So contrary to what our church leaders currently think, it seems the Bible was right all along: It's not good for man to be alone, and he who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.
Shame none of our married church leaders appear to have the b***s to tell the single Christian men this!

Remind me again...

Captain Sensible writes: Why is it that single Christians are told to "wait on the Lord" to bring them their spouse?
(And should Christians also "wait on the Lord" to bring us our groceries, too? It sure would save a lot of time if we did...)

More on monks and nuns

"I've often thought that for a single person a monastery provides a community that would eliminate much of what singles struggle with regarding isolation, loneliness, sense of belonging, etc."
(Fern Horst, "Purposeful Singleness")

Captain Sensible writes: Well, I guess it had to happen. It's the natural extension of the "be content", "singleness is a gift", "making an idol out of marriage", "Jesus is all you need" teaching that has infected the church. It was only a matter of time until someone thought a solution to the problem of singleness was joining a monastery or nunnery. It is appropriate that that person is Fern Horst, the most militantly aggressive pro-singleness person I have come across. (Carolyn McCulley seems to have not taken it quite that far. Although she does support single Christians living together in a kind of pseudo-family unit as some sort of substitute for a real husband or wife and a real family.)
I wonder if the next logical step is promoting a form of non-practising homosexuality? I know of one person in the UK that appears to be advocating just that. And she regularly speaks on the subject of singleness to thousands of Christians at a major annual festival.
God sent Debbie Maken at just the right time to stop this cancer in its tracks. Thank God that the final burden for putting all this right rests with the Lord. It would be unbearable for any one person to take it on.

Prayerful petition for change: The Bad Samaritan

Frieda Fruitcake writes: Apologies dear sisters and last remaining brother in the church, for my recent absence. I became aware of a very grave sin that I was harbouring, and having searched the depths of my hearts, I realised that there was a part of me that...desired marriage! I am pleased to tell you that I immediately took that sinful thought captive, and have been on an extended retreat these past few weeks: praying, fasting and generally beating my ungodly desire into submission. I believe it has gone. Praise the Lord!
Now that I am once again completely and utterly content with being single, I have become aware of the Spirit prompting me about the parable of The "Good" Samaritan.
To call the Samaritan's actions "good" is a dangerous misinterpretation of God's word!
You will remember that the Jew was lying beaten and dying. This was God's perfect will and plan for the Jew's life. A super-spiritual priest walked by and did nothing, wisely refusing to interfere with God's will. He understood that God was obviously using the Jew's experience to mould him and conform him more fully to the image of God.
However, a Samaritan walked by and shamefully felt he knew better than God! He took matters into his own hands and saw that the injured man was cared for and received the help he needed, even paying for him to be looked after even though he didn't know him from Adam!
Therefore I am launching a prayer petition to change the title of this parable to either a) The Bad Samaritan, or b) The Good Priest.
I would have liked to have conducted a phone poll to decide on this title, but given the recent experiences of the BBC, I have decided that this would be unwise.
Instead, I am just going to trust in God to change the title of this parable and do nothing myself.
In fact, I am never going to actually do anything ever again! As everything that happens is God's will, we must never presume to help anyone, or fight injustice, or do any good works... nothing! That way "God's will" will always be done unhindered by sinful beings such as us.
Praise God for this new revelation of how bad the supposedly "good" Samaritan really was, and how we must never presume to interfere with God's will, whether it be for better or for worse, in sickness or in health...
Wait! That sounds suspiciously like the marriage vows! I must have somehow given the devil a foothold again! I need to go on another, longer, harsher retreat!

Enforced Nunhood For Christian Women?

"A culture that...flogs or stones a girl for falling in love."
(Ayaan Hirsi Ali)

Captain Sensible writes: I came across the above quote recently. It's not a good thing, right? But hang on a minute. Are we metaphorically flogging and stoning Christian women for even just wanting to fall in love? Think about it. A Christian woman says she really wants to get married and have children. What could be more natural? And in accordance with God's plan too?
But what is the likely reaction she will receive to such a statement?

Stone 1) You must be content single!
Lash 1) You are making an idol out of marriage!
Stone 2) It may not be God's will for you to get married! You are sinning against God for trying to go against His plan for you!
Lash 2) You must be patient, and if that means you finally become barren, well then you'd better be jolly pleased with that too! Barrenness is obviously His will and perfect plan for your life, so you'd better quit being unhappy and be joyfully, blissfully content about it!

I seriously think we are going to look back at the spiritual abuse we are inflicting on our women and be nothing short of horrified.
The number of single women I am encountering, or reading about, that say how depressed they are because of their singleness is unbelievable. Worse still are the ones that try to give advice because, yes, they too were depressed, but somehow they have been able to beat their natural and Godly longings into submission, and now they realised how wrong they were for wanting the very thing that God commanded us to all do in the first place: Be fruitful and multiply! For the ones that do venture into a relationship, if it doesn't work out as they had hoped, they are more depressed than ever before. Unrequited love is extremely painful anyway, but one of the things that helps people get over it is when a new love comes along. For Christian women that think it's wrong to date outside of "the church", this may mean four years, five years, even more... As if they have all those endless years to waste!
Why are we doing this to our sisters? What really is the fruit of all this? Fewer and fewer children being born into Christian families, and men and women that are objects of either pity or suspicion in the world, as opposed to being salt and light.
We must stop enforcing nunhood on Christian women and then scolding them if they don't have peace about it. And of course they won't have peace about it, because it is not God's will for them to be nuns, but rather wives and mothers and in a timely fashion too ie. their youth.
It reminds me of a comment Debbie Maken made about a year ago, about "monks and nuns":

"It is amazing that a pop star would be able to spot something as sublime as the consuming need for romantic love, and yet Christians would feel the need to squelch same, as if it were an idol, something to subdue, master, destroy so that it cannot get in the way of our otherwise mediocre, half-hearted, mildly devoted relationships with God. None of us are that single-minded about God-- whether married or single. The simple reason for this is because God did not create us to be that way. We were not born to be monks, and we kid ourselves and contradict our very nature, the more that we think we are. We are not monks in any aspect of our lives from personal consumption to spending habits to being endlessly entertained, and yet when it comes to our sexuality, we think our selective monkishness and continued passivity to downright neglect of marriage will bring about more spirituality or devotion. There is a good word for cafeteria monkishness-- hypocrite.

"God is the creator of our sexuality and He meant for it to be good and for it to be acted on in the most appropriate way-- through marriage. For us to now place such a desire in competition with the creator of it is truly foolish.

"Sometimes when I hear about these bachelors writing on sites like Purposefully Single and all of these other singleness pundits extolling the virtues of this mystifying gift (the "gift of singleness"), I often feel like we are the children of Israel, where the promises and blessings of the Covenant are going to be skipped over us but be given to others who have followed His blueprint more closely-- i.e. to be fruitful and multiply. The broken hearts of many single women and men is only the beginning; we should fear the fallout a generation from now if this misteaching about the gift of singleness actually seeps any further into the body of Christ."

Do women need to be content with singleness before they can be happily married?

Captain Sensible writes: Not according to these married women, writing on a Christian forum! They were asked if they ever missed being single. One or two answered that there were aspects of singleness that they missed. This doesn't surprise me. Even if someone had suffered a broken leg, they would probably say there were some aspects that they missed (being able to do a lot of reading?). But would they want to go through life with a broken leg? I think not!
(Many thanks to the reader that brought this to my attention. Yes, you're right! They may well still give a contentment lecture to a woman struggling with the "gift of singleness". It's what they've been told is the right thing to do and they think they are offering Godly wisdom, even though they know they never managed it. Their heart's in the right place, even if their head isn't! ;-) Don't let it bother you!)

"No, never. Truly. Not even for a single second...{{{shudder}}}"

"The only problem I had when I was single...was being single. I don't miss it at all."

"Nope not at all. I hated dating, and wondering if I'd ever get married."

"No, not at all."

"No. Being married is all the fun of being single - but being able to come home together at the end of the night. Someone to share it with..."

"No, never. Some people are happy when they're single, but I was miserable. And now that I know what it's like to be married, I could not go back - I would even be more miserable than before because now I know what I'd miss. I want to be with my husband as often as possible."

"No, not at all, never wanna go back."

"NO! I know what I have. I know exactly how fortunate and blessed I am. I wouldn't trade my husband--even in the middle of a fight--for anything or anyone!...Being married to my husband is wonderful all the time. I don't have the words to say how wonderful."

"Nah! Sure ya miss some little things when you were dating & all (my H use to leave me notes, poems on a weekly basis) but I wouldn't trade married life for being single!"

"I'm happily married and wouldn't want to go back to singlehood."

"No I don't miss it at all."

"Nothing beats having my best friend with me all the time."

"I never miss being single...I can't imagine ever missing being single. I love being married to my husband and facing life together as a team. And I love that it's just the two of us in this team."

"I don't miss being single one bit."

"Occasionally I just want to get in the car and see where I end up before I need more gas. But I know once I got there I'd miss them and wish hubby and babes were there too."

"Not at all!"

Captain Sensible adds: And to round it off, let's see how Debbie Maken ends her book "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking the gift of singleness". If it causes you to feel discontent about your singleness...well, good! Now join the movement to bring about change!

"I want women to be married. Marriage is wonderful. I love waking up every morning next to my husband -- and sometimes waking up earlier than expected as little feet patter into our room. I love riding to church in the passenger seat and having a hand to hold during the service. I love having a date every weekend. I love the freedom to have legitimate sex whenever we want. I have a husband with whom I can share my deepest thoughts and affections. We are building a life together and are creating a legacy to leave for our children.

"I cannot apologize for wanting this same wonderful life for my daughters and for each single woman who reads this book.

"May God guide you and bless you as you ponder the duty to marry and pursue the highest calling given to men and women."

Minutely examining the vacuum cleaner to solve the problem of why the washing machine won't work?

Captain Sensible writes: That's the way I see the majority of advice given to single Christian women regarding singleness and marriage.
But no matter how much you examine the vacuum cleaner, take it apart, try to remove every speck of dust from the machinery until it is fully "prepared" to work, it will not do anything to solve the problem of why the washing machine still isn't going!
Christian women are being encouraged to minutely examine every detail of their hearts: Is there a speck of discontentment there? Have they inadvertently slipped over the invisible line of desiring married a fraction too much, thereby "making an idol" out of marriage? (Remember, the "gift of singleness" and the "gift of marriage" are both equal, and you should actually be equally content with both. Incidentally, I have always wondered why weddings don't have a section in the service for mourning the loss of the "gift of singleness"? Better still, have no marriage celebration at all. After all, the two equal gifts cancel each other out, so why the need for any celebration of thanksgiving at all? Surely it is a time of equal joy and sorrow?) Or have they made the very serious new error that has recently come to light of saying they want to "get married" instead of the preferred new terminology of "be a wife", which clearly reveals how very evil to the core their heart is!
Finally, when the vacuum cleaner is spotless (which is impossible anyway, because no vacuum cleaner can ever be perfectly clean. There's always going to be a speck of dust somewhere that some well-meaning idiot can point to as to the reason why the washing machine isn't working!), the only advice given is to trust in God about the washing machine and wait on the Lord for Him to fix it!